Follow up from last ask a coach on massive action week and my goal of feeling comfortable in my body and building a better relationship with myself

Hello,

Thanks for your response to my last ask a coach submission. I have answered your questions but still a bit stuck as to how to move forward… Here are my answers.

1. What does feeling comfortable in my body mean?

– feeling less sensitive and super-charged about my body
– feeling neutral/light-hearted towards it
– removing the importance of other people’s opinions (good or bad) about it and not mind-reading their disgust with it
– thinking my body is part of me and I am healthy, flexible and strong.
– thinking it is safe to be in my body and I mother it.
– I would do things in life without feeling self conscious or dread. I would look forward to summer, parties, dressing up, holidays, photographs being taken. I would feel confident to do all those things and enjoy them. Making the most of those experiences.

2.i feel shame about my body because is it a physical representation of how I haven’t got my shit figured out. I feel like I am a walking sign post telling everyone that I lack discipline/self control. The fat on my body shows people my mental and emotions imperfections. I want to hide these.

3. I binge eat for comfort and safety. It feels good, warm and fuzzy like I am caring for myself. The alternative is a feeling of emptiness and I am just left with myself which I guess I am running away from looking for something to distract myself with. On days when I am busy out and about with people I don’t think about eating much at all. It’s when I am left with myself… I do also get low energy spells and hate being hangry and grumpy with family so lean on sugar on those moments too.

I like the phrase you suggested… “I am willing to learn how to do this in order to treat my body with love and respect.” and I have moments when I really do believe this, but then I find this hard to fully uphold and then fail… I guess I don’t want to stop it badly enough. Otherwise I would have done it by now…

My brain still feels very jumbly about it all and feel disappointed that massive action week was a bit of a flop for me… Any advice you might have on what might be a steady way forward I’d be so grateful for… Many thanks!

 

Answer:

It’s great to have you back! There is so much awareness present in you responses, and so much candor. I hope you can honor this for yourself in some way.

You said you really do sometimes fully believe the phrase, “I am willing to learn how to do this so that…” and you find it hard to uphold sometimes. I wonder, what does learning to do something mean to you? What should learning look like, especially with changing your relationship to food/sugar? If the answer isn’t immediately clear, describe what learning a physical skill (like playing guitar or kayaking or yoga) should look like, and how you know you’re learning. Does your idea of ‘what learning is’ fit with what you’re doing right now? Why or why not?

Something Maisie talks about in her Self-Love video (located on the Cycle Toolkit page) is that we can’t change something without accepting that it’s a part of us first. Eliminating the behavior/pattern won’t make you feel whole. Once you accept this as a part of you – not a definition of you – you can decide to work on it from love instead of shame. I recommend watching this webinar asap. You’re not broken or defective, and whether you want to change bad enough is truly irrelevant. What IS relevant is that you LOVE yourself enough to know this doesn’t have to define you or your future. Come back when you’re ready for more coaching.