Freelance burnt out with a puppy

For context: I am self-employed. I get to set my own schedule, and really appreciate being my own boss as well as being able to take time off when I need to recharge my batteries.

Several things led to my burnout this summer, the biggest being that we adopted a puppy this spring with my boyfriend. I also had some family issues and some health issues (thanks Covid). Since I am working from home, I was the dog’s primary caretaker – to be honest, I didn’t realize how much work that was going to be. I was beating myself up for not being able to “function properly” when at the same time I had this external factor (puppy) constantly interrupting me when I tried to work or take time for myself. With the help of a therapist, I allowed myself to take some (unpaid) time off from work for a few months. I am proud of how I was able to take care of myself, to set boundaries, and get help. I also am super duper proud of the relationship I have with my dog now, even if it’s still very hard on some days when I would just like to be on my own.

In the midst of it all, I discovered that I was HPS, quite possibly autistic, and that led me into another fun rabbit hole of existential questioning. I want to be a mother in the not-too-distant future, and the whole prospect of this new identity shift (..looking forward to Maisie’s next few episodes here) just really scares me.

I now understand that I need to change something to make my career and my life sustainable and fun. My job is not fulfilling, and although I do want to start looking for how to improve/change my situation, I also feel that I am still very much exhausted from everything. Everything takes so much time and effort. Just this weekend I had a huge meltdown/panic attack from thinking that everything I had planned was too much (it was, and I canceled some things and kept the ones that brought me joy). I’m trying hard to be responsible for myself and support myself with compassion and tenderness. But it’s a fine line between that, and the thought “I’m lazy”. I KNOW I’m not lazy, and I know that things take time. But I guess I’d like to know how much time, and how do I know that it is the time to get going? Am I being too hard on myself and running straight into the next wall?

 

Answer:

First of all, let’s celebrate that pride! Well done!! Ride that wave and honor yourself for doing right by you! Second, I want you to know that you can make these changes at a pace that truly works for you – whether that’s slow or fast. When I say ‘truly works for you’ I mean in a way that is largely soaked with whatever feelings bring you a sense of calm and joy. This is not to say it won’t feel clunky or uncomfortable at times, but it does mean that you can do it in a way that you feel good about.

The question you ask about how to know that it’s time to get going is a great one. There are times in our lives when we know exactly when it’s time to close one book (or one chapter of the book) and begin a new one for various reasons – contract dates, graduations, one too many of the things that bother us about a flat mate or partner, and so on. Other times, we have to decide for ourselves when we are going to change, and it doesn’t have to be ceremonious at all if you don’t want it to be. You also don’t have to feel ‘ready’ to be able to get going. As for your first question about how much time, that’s up to you too. You get to decide how much time you’re willing to allow yourself to transition into the next book or chapter. You just have to decide what you want and when you want it. What is standing between you and making that choice?

If you haven’t listened to/watched the Autumn Workshop parts 1 and 2 in the recent call replays, I highly recommend that you do. They have so many helpful tools for making decisions! Come back to us with for more coaching on this with a submission titled “Freelance burnout pt. 2”