frictions in a friendship

I have a friend of 8 years who I consider one of my best friends, if not my best friend. She has been an amazing support during tough times, and equally I do my best to be there for her when she needs it. Spending time with her always used to calm me down and bring me joy, even if it’s just us zonked out on a couch together. But in the last few months some frictions have come up that I find very confusing. It has come to a point where even simple interactions, like me sending her some messages, have become stressful. Yesterday me simply asking how she is and how she’s doing in her new job was met with her second-guessing my motivations and saying it didn’t feel real or genuine. I was stunned, and hurt. We fixed a date to meet up in person, and decided to just talk then.
There are a few things. Although I know that her behaviour may not have anything to do with me (even if she says that she feels awkward because I said something; I know that her feelings are her responsibility and the result of her thoughts about what I said; and quite possibly she is on edge because of something else and transferring that on to me), it still stings, and I’m struggling to understand why I take this so personally. Usually I’m a lot better at letting these things go.
And the other thing is, this friend is also my maid of honour. The wedding is still 1.5 years away, so enough time for things to change, but I chose my bridesmaids to be people who I can rely on and find easy to get on with, and now I’m a bit weary. From what I hear, organising a wedding is going to be stressful, and I don’t really want any added stress from a strained relationship with one of my bridesmaids, and I’m not sure how to tackle this at the moment.
Any thoughts and pointers on where to go with this next will be appreciated. Thank you!

 

Answer:

Here is one unintentional model that I’m seeing in this submission:
C: Received response message from friend saying my text didn’t feel real or genuine
T: She’s second guessing my motivations
F: Hurt
A: what did you do and what didn’t you do when you felt hurt?
R: I second guess our friendship and myself
How does this land? I would like to offer that it’s okay to feel a sting when a relationship that once brought you comfort and calm is currently bringing you confusion and discord, even if you’re the kind of person who can usually let things like this go easily. It doesn’t mean anything about you – instead, I’d like to invite you to see this particular emotional experience as a sort of marker saying, “Hey, this sore spot could use some attention.”
If that were the case, that this feeling just needs some attention, what becomes more clear about why this stings? When you see your answers, notice what comes up for you and bring what you discover or realize back for more coaching with part 2 of this submission. Furthermore, if you’ve already met with your friend by the time this is answered, let us know how your conversation with your friend goes and whether your thoughts about this situation have become any more defined or clear.