Friendship disparity

Hi coaches
I am going to messy with this.. here goes:

I have a few old friends that I hold in my heart dearly, that I met in my late teens / early 20s. I would consider them my best friends. We don’t see each other often or speak often anymore due to life and distance, but I love them.
I recently realised that they might not view me in such a ‘close’ matter. That they have friends that are more important or higher up the ladder than me.
I have a lot of shame and judgement with myself about this, about how I should have other closer friends, like they do, something about meeting new friends as well as them, almost like ‘moving on’ from our university days of friendship.

 

 

Answer:

Celebrate the messy! Let’s put your thoughts into a few models so you can see exactly what’s happening in your brain.

C: My friends

T: I consider them my best friends

F: love

A: speak to them infrequently, see them infrequently, love them always. Don’t worry about our friendship

R: I enjoy our connection no matter what.

Feel free to adapt this model, fill in the A line more, whatever you want. Just notice how you get to enjoy the love you have for these people because you are creating it. Relationships are just our thoughts about other people, and your first thought gives you the result of getting to enjoy that connection. Now, here’s where your brain wants to add on to the story:

C: My friends

T: I should have other closer friends, like they do

F: shame

A: think about what they think, judge myself, beat myself up for not making new friends, tell myself I’m not moving on correctly, what else do you do or not do when you’re feeling shame? How do you show up in these friendships?

R: I disconnect myself from my friends.

What your friends think is none of your business. You get to create the relationship you want. What do you think when you see it laid out this way?