Friendship part 2

Hi, thanks for the coaching already on this, you gave me lots to think about.

I think I want to be more neutral about my friend not replying because I want our friendship to continue, but I don’t want her not replying to messages to mean so much to me.

The words of encouragement I’d offer myself are along the lines of friendships change and its ok to feel sad about losing what was.

I’m afraid that she has decided she no longer wants me in her life, and therefore the friendship is over.

The reality of the relationship right now is that I’ve given up my power. If she got in touch tomorrow my default would be to go with whatever she suggests and not to mention the uncertainty I’ve been feeling or to do anything about it.

What I want is to remain friends but to have a conversation about how our friendship has evolved and what we both want from it now. I want to be a loyal, kind friend and open to enjoying shared experiences that we both enjoy.

The question how can I be more me in this situation was the hardest by far… I want to initiate that conversation ideally in person, but to do that I need to either reach out again, which comes with the likely outcome that I won’t get a response, or wait for her to get back in touch, which means letting this hang over me indefinitely.

 

 

Answer:

Ok, you’ve got a beautiful goal here. The thing about goals is they bring up all the thoughts and feelings. That’s a bit scary and also part of the fun. If you want to reach out and talk in person, how can you make that happen? Brainstorm all the ways. Then create an intentional model. Here’s a possible example.

C: friend

T:?

F:?

S:?

A:?

R: I reach out to meet by x date

Action brings clarity.  What information would you have if your worst case scenario happens and she doesn’t reply?  How can you bring a little bit of your own power back in to your relationship with yourself as you figure out your relationship with your friend?