Fulfilling Dreams 5

Thanks for the response . What your answer made me realise is..how do I smother that part in me in love?

It made me think when prompted : If the time is going to pass no matter what, how do you want to treat yourself?
-I want to treat myself with all of the love I never give myself and smother myself, and stroke with kindness and approach life with a lightness of touch not the dark serious cloud I seem to cover everything with. I want To grow and expand but with joy. It made me realise I don’t do that. I don’t know how to do that. at the bottom of this is me beating myself up, nagging myself all day long that my head hurts, pushing, chastising. No wonder I can’t paint or find the joy in painting I have taken it out of me. There is fear and not enoughness and envy and jealousy and insecurity, and feeling stupid and everything I hate about myself wrapped up here and I think the only way I’ve fought through this is to work so hard that no one notices what is behind all of that. Before I went back to art college I had a recurring nightmare I would go in a house and it would be haunted an no one else knew it was hautnedaut I could feel it ..I was petrified and this present would track me down and throw me against the walls violently until I could escape. I would wake up exhausted and petrified. And this happened a lot. I did some work that concluded this was an inner part of me screaming to get out. Since I’ve admitted to myself that I want to be an artist I don’t have this nightmare anymore..I don’t fear going to sleep or old houses and feel at peace. But writing this today has made me think this any presence./energy/poltergist is no longer in my dreams it now feels like it’s in my head and I don’t fear it but I’m just living with it

 

Answer:

What I’m hearing in your submission is that there has been meaningful growth with this energetic side of you. It’s not something you fear, it’s just something that you acknowledge exists inside of you. That’s true for all humans – the shadow self is real. Do you believe that it’s possible for you to learn how to grow with joy, kindness and love? If you do believe it’s possible, what’s one thing you can wrap in love this week and how will you do it? If you don’t believe it’s possible, why not? You’re doing great work – it’s not always the fun part to realize how our shadow selves show up, but it’s an important part. Come back with pt. 6 when you’re ready!