Fulfilling Dreams 6

Thanks so much for you response.
You’re right I’ve realised my shadow self is omnipresent. And when I break it down it comes from believing growth and creativity come from hard work, and pain, there is no joy or love when I break this down. It’s made me look back at the younger me and pushing her for exams, always working harder than anyone else. It comes from a feeling of lack – I’m not as good, clever, talented etc as everyone else so I have to try harder. It comes from a feeling of I have to prove myself. It comes from a feeling of I’m not sure I can do this. It comes from feeling like anything nice has to be put off as I have to do all the chores for my mum first and make her happy and then I’m allowed to make myself happy. That I have to make everyone else life content and everything has to be clean and tidy and the fridge full and everything sorted and then I’m allowed to do things for me. But I can’t do them with joy as that’s indulgent. I’m feeling theres some fucked by religious stuff from my upbringing coming into this some Christian guilt message which I don’t believe in but I’m feeling there’s something in there. Life is hard. Fun is indulgent. Don’t be too big or to happy or to full of yourself or to spoilt or to lazy or to vain or to pretty or to big for your boots or to showing off ..I don’t know there’s a lot to unpack there. Im realising I put this lack of fun and hardworking first on my family now as well and history is repeating itself. Im my whole lifes pursuit or not Turing into my mother and doing everything opposite somehow I’m still becoming her underneath it all. And I don’t like myself for that

 

 

Answer:

What if you could like yourself in all your humanness? Part of being a human is realizing as an adult that we are doing many of the things we disliked about our parents. Nature and nurture are both strong influences, what if that wasn’t a problem or something to beat yourself up about? What if your parents and religious leaders were all just humans doing their best and you could love them as well?

Fill in this model:

C: me

T:  I’m turning into my mother

F:?

A:How do you show up when you feel this way?

R:What is your result?

I would offer that it’s likely as you finish this model you’ll be able to see that you are spending a lot of energy focused on your mother. How do you think it serves you to blame her?