Get it done

My Get it Done goal is to increase my capacity for discomfort when it comes to prioritising my needs.

I’ve noticed that I don’t enjoy the way my partner touches me sometimes – the in-passing touches can feel half-hearted and distracted and leave me feeling disconnected from him.

In pursuit of my goal this month, I want to share with him how I’d like to be touched instead. I set this as my action for today but haven’t done it and realise I’m quite resistant to do so.

My thoughts are that we’re both in the throes of jet lag and if I bring it up now it’ll cause tension between us. That I need to pick the right time to say something (ie when we’re not tired, when I feel connected to him). It’ll rock the boat. That it’ll upset him and he won’t be able to deal with it whilst he’s tired. All of which makes me feel uncomfortable about saying anything and therefore I don’t.

C: sharing with D how I’d like to be touched
T: I’ll be rocking the boat
F: uncomfortable
S: butterflies, tense, fast heart
A: don’t have the conversation, avoid thinking about it, talk myself out of it being a problem (suck it up)
R: I don’t share how I’d like to be touched and continue to feel uncomfortable about how they are currently

 

 

Answer:

What if your inner voice is guiding you perfectly here? What would be different if you listened to yourself? Choose and emotion that you’d like to drive your conversation. Make a goal for how you want to show up. See what you find as you explore this without editing or judging yourself.

For your model here, What are you afraid of if you rock the boat? So you cause tension, so what? What does your unmanaged mind think will happen?  What I see in your result is R: I take myself out of the boat. You’re in a partnership, but you’ve removed yourself. It seems noble to “suck it up” and not upset someone, but how could it actually be dishonest and self serving? Do a bit of gentle exploring and see what you find.