Getting angry at my husband and daughter

Dear coaches,
I’m having massive issues (long term now) with my husband and daughter for the same reason: him playing too much time video games and her watching TV for too long.
I’m pissed at him for allowing her, but he says to him it’s fine. Not a big deal. So my model is:
C: he sits on his pc
T: He doesn’t care if she is turning into a zombie in front of the TV
F: Anger
A: Passive aggression – being silent, not being able to talk with him I’m so pissed, turning off the TV after giving my daughter 5 extra minutes.
R: I’m extremely pissed at my husband and we have very unproductive talks about it

With her my problem is that I know it’s bad for a 6yo to watch TV for more than an hour. There are enough studies proving that. So my model when she does is:
C: daughter watches TV
T: She is turning into Zombie
F: fear
A: getting angry at my husband for not caring as much as me, talking with her about a time limit in the next few minutes, turning the TV off.
R: I’m angry but the TV is off.

I’m fed up with the whole situation but don’t know how to proceed because I always speak with my husband from a place of anger and annoyance. Especially because I feel like I’m his mom at those moments and this brings even more anger.
Any suggestions would be appreciated ☺️☺️❤️❤️

 

Answer:

 

Let’s first do some model investigation. I wonder if the C line here could be more factual, and less loaded. Sometimes the emotional context of writing can be fuzzy so I want to check in with you. Do you think the words “sits on his pc” are loaded for you? If so, what is a distilled way to say this?

Secondly, let’s check in with your thought. Why is it a problem that your husband doesn’t care if your daughter is turning into a zombie in front of the TV? What does this mean about or for him, you, or your daughter?

The reason I ask is that I wonder whether before we move into exploring an intentional model, if it would be beneficial to explore this model a little more thoroughly to get to know and understand yourself in this model better and then go forward. Come back with what comes up for you when you explore this and let’s see where that leads you.