Getting my needs met

Hi coaches,

My focus for this month is about getting my needs met and asking for my needs to be met without apologising when others are involved. My relationship is one area in my life where it is hard for me to acknowledge the importance of my needs and voice them. I would really appreciate your input on the following model and what to focus on for an intentional model…

C: boyfriend has to study for exams, I have the need to talk to him to feel connected in the long distance relationship
T: I am a burden to my boyfriend if I ask for my needs to be met
F: rejected
S: tension and unrest in my body
A: I don’t ask for a call, I feel resentment for his focus on his studies and the importance he puts
on his grades, I overreact and lash out via text and in the rare case of a call, I try to hide my needs, I act in a passive aggressive way, I am low on energy and can’t focus on the tasks at hand, I blame him for not getting my need met even though I didn’t even ask
R: I am a burden and my needs don’t matter

 

Answer:

 

Hi there! This is a great goal for the month! I wonder if the R line in this model is “I burden myself and I don’t work towards getting my needs met.” What do you think?

If your goal is to voice your needs and give yourself the best opportunity to have them be met, get curious about what this might look like. If you were to state your needs, what would you ask for? Write different ideas down word for word. What do you want to communicate to him about yourself? Are you open to other methods of connection at this time? In all this, remember that this is not about  him changing his behavior to make you feel a certain way. Your goal is about you advocating for yourself. What about this with your partner is challenging?