Getting Out Of Writing Procrastination Cycle Part 2

Hmmm, after some reflection there are a few things I can think of though it doesn’t feel like a straightforward question to answer! So, to answer your questions:

What is it about putting words on paper well ahead of time that creates that feeling for you? Another way to ask this is what are you resisting or pushing back on?

One thing is perfectionism, I think I struggle to let go of the need for what I write to be ‘perfect’/really good from the onset and to just write something crap to begin with and then take it from there.

Another aspect could be feelings of inadequacy and some impostor syndrome. I struggled with it a lot when I first started working in an academic setting a few years ago though I made some progress with it (some senior colleagues told me it never goes away!). Maybe I delay the writing so much because I feel that if I read yet another source beforehand my own work will be better (which is likely true in some respects), more informed and accurate. The irony is that by leaving the writing to the last moment I don’t give myself enough time to develop my ideas, review and edit, and as a result the quality of my work suffers. Or is the idea that I could do much better work if I allowed myself this extra time just another perfectionist pursuit? I kind of hope not cause I would love to work in this healthier and more enjoyable way..

Another theme could be that I think I am still struggling to find my own voice/trust myself in my writing. I don’t yet allow myself for my own voice to really come out in my work, to be honest I am not sure what that voice is exactly just yet. For now, I mostly stick to the convention and hope that this self-trust and creative confidence will emerge at some point!

The last thing I can think of for now is an element of fear of judgement, wanting to impress my supervisors/assessors/readers. I guess that my brain thinks that as long as I don’t actually put words on papers there is nothing that others (and myself?) can judge me on so that until then I am ‘safe’. Of course, the irony yet again is that this causes lots of stress, rushing, poor self-care and worse work further down the line!

What emerges when you answer this question?

A lot of insights already, thanks for getting curious with me! Not sure how to act on them. Also, a bit of shame around the realisation that a part of me wants to impress. It feels a bit ‘lame’ (for lack of a better word) and not how I’d like to be, but I know that I have a real tendency to rely on external validation.

That feeling of being a bit paralysed when I want to start writing is actually even a kind of physical tightness/tingling in my chest/heart centre that feels very uncomfortable and that I often deal with by postponing writing/distracting myself/reading yet another source before I start writing… Historically only the pressure of a pending deadline made me overcome this paralysis cause I had no other choice- and I really am talking about the last 48/24 hours for a large piece of work!

 

Answer:

Now that you have gotten curious and explored why you get stuck in this cycle you just get to decide if you want to keep any of your story. There’s no shame necessary. We just observe ourselves being a human who loves validation, thank our brain for trying to protect us with perfectionism and procrastination, give ourselves lots of love, notice what we’re creating and then move forward.

Try filling in this intentional model, start from the bottom and move up:

C: Next writing project (be specific if you have one coming up)

T: What would you need to think to create the feeling you want?

F: What would you need to feel to take these actions?

A: What do I need to do to create this result? Map out every step such as: open my computer. put my hands on the keyboard. Write 5 bullet points, etc. Include feeling uncomfortable sensations and doing it anyway.

R: I put words on paper.

Breaking it down into small doable goals you can check off and give yourself a gold star for really helps break that stuck cycle. Try it and see what happens, bring any resistance that comes up back for more coaching.