Goal activating my nervous system

Hi there.
Today my goal feels like too much for me (being ok with getting things wrong) my rocks are take risks, get things wrong and not shame myself. I have done the first two a lot since the start of spring forwards but I am struggling with the third and I know I need to do models about them but I don’t have the opportunity when I’m out and about getting things wrong (like forgetting my plan at work today and having to take a detour). I’ve just ovulated which is always a vulnerable time for me and I haven’t made a tough day protocol yet and I can feel stress in my body louder than I can hear the thoughts I need to look at and as with all nervous system activation it just all feels too much like I need to stop and go hide in a hole and give up my goal because going through this vomity uncomfortable feeling is more than I can cope with…. Aaaand now I’m like “so I’ll go back to living in shame but not looking at it and that’ll be better!?!?!!” And it won’t but it’s familiar, and my body rewards me for that behaviour.
Now my thoughts are ‘there isn’t really any better choice than deal with this shit’ and ‘if I do this, this is huge for me!’ which sort of makes me feel excited again and a little less scared.
Xxx

 

Answer:

Yes yes yes. The thought, “There isn’t really any better choice than deal with this shit” is SO GOOD. Feeling shame does not feel good AND, it is JUST a feeling. It is the same as joy, the same as love, the same as sadness…it just feels worse to feel. When your nervous system is lit up and activated and you’re looking for an escape route, this is your body signaling that it feels unsafe and it’s time to go into self-preservation mode. Before you do anything, 3-5 deep breaths, and identify the reasons that you are safe here and now.

Now, let’s take a look at shame. When you start to feel it, and you want to go hide in a hole, and you realize that you haven’t created a tough-day protocol, and your body feels stressed, and you experience sensations like wanting to vomit and being uncomfortable, what is going on in your head? And what are you creating for yourself?

C: Feeling Shame

T:

F: Ashamed

A: want to go hide in a hole, beat self up for not having a tough-day protocol, body feels stressed, nervous system fires, experience sensations like wanting to vomit and being uncomfortable, give weight to the idea of giving up my goal

R:

This is where the work is…how you stop shaming yourself is by developing a healthy and respectful relationship with your tough feelings. Try filling this model out and come back with what you discover…

C: Feeling shame

T: I can learn to have a healthy relationship to shame

F:

A:

R:

If you haven’t watched the Creating Safety webinar and first coaching call, I recommend checking them out.