Goal indecision

Hello amazing coaches,
I feel a bit of shame and teenager-y with these models but it’s something I’d love some help with. I want to prioritise me over my romantic relationship (that feels ok for me right now) but many things I think about I consider selfish. I’m judging myself and how I think someone should be in a relationship, rather than how I want to be in my relationship. I worry that others judge me, like my in-laws, when I do these ‘selfish’ things like travel for a month alone, instead of saving for our future for example. (I’ve more holidays than my partner).
C: relationship
T: I’m tied down
F: tied down
A: think about the things I would do if I wasn’t in a relationship, stay in my job so I can pay my half of rent on our flat, unjustly blame my partner for me not going travelling, feel over responsible for his happiness
R: tie myself down and blame being in a relationship

Intentional
C: relationship
T: my partner loves me
F: free to be myself
A: work as I want, pay rent because I want to, openly discuss travel plans, openly discuss money
R: be myself in my relationship

 

 

Answer:

Human brains are often teenager-y, and we love them. An exercise that can really be enlightening is to question our thoughts. Let’s look at this one: I want to prioritise me over my romantic relationship

What beliefs do you have about how people should behave in a relationship? Brain dump all of that. It could be in general but more helpful might be around how much time they spend together.

In this simple sentence above, there are a lot of underlying beliefs about what prioritizing the relationship should look like. And you’ve decided that doing the things you want to do = prioritizing yourself over the relationship. Is that true? Brain dump all the ways you might be wrong about that.

You have great awareness that the way you are thinking is creating a result you don’t like for yourself. In your intentional model, try T: I love me. and see what happens.