Goal question part 2

Thank you very much for your advice with my last message regarding goals.
After focusing on the suggestions offered, I realise that the one person who I am afraid will cut me down is my mother.

On one hand I am very much looking forward to spending proper time with my parents and siblings again. I know that if I ask for help, my mother will help where she can, and of course is thrilled that I’m finally moving back to Australia.

On the other hand, the relationship I have with my mother isn’t always such an easy one. The times when it’s been most difficult (to the point where I’ve had to stop contacting her altogether to self preserve), is when I’ve shown up authentically and either spoken my mind, or made big life decisions she hasn’t agreed with. In the latter case, she’s tried to stop me by either involving the entire extended family, and/or sent me endless messages telling me it’s not a good idea and that I will probably fail anyway (which until now hadn’t been the case).

My last experience spending time with her was a happier one, but the few times I posed a different viewpoint I was met with the same aggressive refusal to allow another opinion into the space.

After having done a lot of therapy, I have realised that are a lot of narcissistic personality traits in her family which I try to bear in mind when working out how to speak my mind/set boundaries. At this stage in my life (especially after having learnt so much with the flow collective and from life experience living in Europe), I am much more concerned about not showing up as my authentic self and not supporting my nervous system than constantly pleasing my mother.

Perhaps a goal could be something like “honouring my authentic self” and rocks could be *trusting myself with decision making *setting boundaries with people to honour my nervous system *speaking about my experiences and skills as though I were speaking about a good friend.

 

Answer:

Such good awareness! Your goals and rocks look wonderful. Don’t forget to celebrate you for making that shift from worrying about all of Australia judging you to noticing it’s a lot about your mother. That’s so much easier to work on. As you do, keep reminding yourself that relationships are just the thoughts we have about another person. With mothers, we generally have quite a story built up.

We also have power as adults to drop any parts of the story that aren’t serving us now. You have all the tools and maturity and confidence you need to create a different experience for you.

Make a list with one side being Facts and the other Thoughts. Go back through this submission and put each sentence into a category. Question everything. There is no judgement in this exercise, just be curious.

See what comes up and bring any questions back to AAC.