Grief about not being able to get pregnant naturally

Hello coaches, I’ve been feeling a lot of grief and sadness around not being able to get pregnant naturally, which has come about following taking the step to book an appointment with the fertility clinic. For context, my partner has always been up front with me about his genetic disorder and not wanting pass it on to children, so I have known throughout our relationship that when we were ready to start a family, ivf with genetic screening would be the way we approach it. The appointment is over a month away, but the action of making it has led to these strong feelings of grief and sadness.

C: booking first appointment with fertility clinic
T:I just want to do this naturally
F: grief/sadness/overwhelm
S: sinking feeling in chest down to stomach, tears close to surface
A: cry
R: overcome with emotion while trying to get on with morning routine

C: feeling grief and sadness
T: perhaps I just need to accept it
F: acceptance
S: slowing of heart rate,
A: breathe
Don’t push the feeling away
Experience the feelings
R: get on with my day while accepting the grief

My gut is telling me that this is something I need to accept and feel the feelings that come with it. Which I am already doing to an extent, but I’d really value any coaching you can offer to help me do this.

 

 

Answer:

First off, knowing what was coming in the future and actually starting the process are two different things. Be on to your brain when it is judging you for having feelings about this idea becoming a reality in your life. A reality that involves a lot physically, emotionally and likely financially. Check in with your nervous system. Is it reacting? What is it afraid of. How can you support yourself in that even before your physically start the process?

In your first model, your result is R:I fight with reality.  Fighting reality is very painful.

You are right on about the grief and sadness. It’s ok that it’s part of your story. We can grieve the future we thought we’d have. You can grieve the pregnancy journey you imagined before.

If it feels available to you, I would offer that you do a bit of digging around this choice to do IVF. Right now it sounds like (from what you’ve written, I’m sure there’s more) this is a decision your partner has made. You are going along with it. What can be very helpful is opening up to all possibilities. Do a brainstorm of all the ways you can grow your family, including a natural pregnancy. Put it all on the table.  Then go through and decide if you want to do that. Write down your reasons why or why not. Do any needed research. Take the time you need to really CHOOSE this if it’s what you’re going to do. You’ll feel so much more powerful.

See what you find and bring back any questions or models for more coaching.