Handling anger and frustration

I am responsible for a start-up founded by my husband initially which will launch internationally on September 15, as well as running my own freelance consultancy which has paid for the start-up to date. I am responsible for the day-to-day kid stuff, as well as lot of family admin. My husband works full time, which pays for life in general (rent, kids, bills etc.). I feel increasing overwhelmed by the responsibilty and the daily list of to-do’s (including legal & tax stuff that I barely understand). My husband does help with the kids and housework but he is not conscious of my mental load. When I ask my husband for help with the start-up, or a home chore (like paying a bill, helping me with a tax return), he gets super angry. He either does the job with bad grace or not at all. He is generally not an aggressive person but chores/bills/tax returns have always been a trigger in our relationship. The responsibility now is getting me to breaking point and I’m getting really frustrated with my load. As a consequence, I am spinning out on things and not working very effectively. the overwhelm is followed by anger and frustration. I don’t know what to do to get heard without the argument or petty response.

 

 

Answer:

Take a moment to ground yourself using your favorite method. The bonus call with Victoria Albina has many simple methods if you need one. Give yourself some love. When we feel stuck in overwhelm, everything can seem very intense.

What would you get to feel if your husband helped you with the taxes?

Everything we want is because of how we think it will make us feel. So often we want other people to create that feeling for us but our feelings come from our thoughts. This is the best news because it means that you have much more power in this situation than you think you do. Lightening your mental load is totally possible without your husband changing anything.

Take some time to journal about what you really want. What thoughts will create that feeling you are looking for?  You know exactly what you need and how to get it.  When you are clean in your mind, you’ll be able to figure out what to do. This may include asking your husband for help because you want to, not because you need to, and your emotions are not attached to whether he complies or not. Bring whatever comes up back to AAC.