Harrassment in the workplace, for the second time

Hello, I’ve had an experience last week which has left me really unsettled but I’m trying to lean into it and really figure out how to move on from this. As background, I’ve spent the past 12 months working through a workplace issue which was 8 years of sexual harassment and control at work from my boss and received 6 months of counselling through my organisation. I got to a really good place with my thoughts and started to understand that I can move away from thoughts of self blame and feeling ashamed of that had happened for so long. However, it does still creep up on me every now and then and I have found it hard not to return to some of these thoughts/feelings.

Then last week we had an external company in our workplace and during their time with us, a crew member singled me out and kept asking personal questions, not leaving me alone, tried to take my hand and by the final evening followed me around rooms in my workplace and I had to leave the area to get away from him. It instantly brought back all the horrors of the past 8 years and even though this time, I reported it straight away to my organisation and their company, I’ve spiralled straight back into thoughts and feelings around guilt, shame, responsibility, disappointment in myself, anger towards others but I don’t want to continue to feel like this.

I’ve listened to the suite of responsibility podcasts but I’ve tied myself in knots with contrasting thoughts, such as ‘I need to accept this happened and it was my fault, I could have done more to stop or change the outcomes’ to ‘this is not normal, he was the one at fault, that behaviour is inexcusable.’ I’m confused and don’t want to get this wrong and tell myself a narrative when its actually the opposite, as I need to find away out of this. I’m proud of myself for reporting it and even had a call today with the company’s HR team and believe they are taking action now, but instead of feeling lightened by this or relieved it’s off my shoulders and on theirs now, I’ve felt so miserable and upset that this has happened again to me, in the same workplace – ok, it was a different person, different time and circumstances, but why me again, what am I doing wrong? I 100% know I answered his questions professionally and politely, not engaging when I wasn’t comfortable, moving away from areas when I didn’t want to be near him, but I still feel guilt and confusion.

I’m quite new to modelling but have had a go at one this afternoon:

C: I experienced harassment in the workplace again
T: What am I doing wrong, that this has happened again? I’m the problem. I’m disappointed.
F: Shame
A: Avoidance of the reality, dismissing thoughts – its no big deal, I hid my emotions, then had outward emotions – cried, got angry, scared, frustrated. I took action, I spoke up about it.
R: It’s still my fault, even though I spoke up and was brave. It must have happened again because of me.

I’d really appreciate some guidance on the above and feedback on my first model. Thank you so much for your time.

 

 

Answer:

Self coaching is a wonderful tool when your nervous system is regulated. No matter how long it’s been or how much work you have done in hterapy, it’s normal for this recent situation to bring back up your fight/flight/freeze response.  It’s also normal for your brain to want to go back to familiar patterns of self blame. We are the esiest thing to blame when things seem out of control. This is absolutely not your fault.

Right now, wrap yourself in self love and take care of your nervous sytem. Use tools that have worked for you in the past. The Creting Safety call with Voctoria in the Bonus content might be really helpful as well. Settle your body’s response first, then bring your model back to AAC for feedback.