Having something to finish, but not enjoying the process

3 years ago I made a spontaneous decision to buy a sailing boat. It gave me a home and a challenge for 8 months before I took it out of the water and pulled everything out of it in order to do a restoration. I had not bought a boat in order to restore it, but at the time my perfectionism told me I needed to make it perfect. I have been on a long and difficult journey since, spending a lot of my time, energy and money on restoring the boat. I learned a lot of new skills and gained confidence, and addressed certain issues such as the perfectionism, and the fear of inadequacy, and the fear of being ‘seen’.

I am now at a point where the boat is almost ready to go back in the water. It will then still need a lot more work, but I hope the work will be more enjoyable, and it will be closer to where I live now.

However, for the whole of this year I have really struggled with motivation. I stopped working (from self-employed work) 4 months ago in order to make more time to finish the project, but found myself instead dealing with burnout – I had not realised the extent of the burnout until I stopped. I am learning now how to take care of myself, and experiencing an identity shift – realising who I actually am and what I need and living closer to this truth. The work I have to do on my boat feels stuck in the past – the project feels leftover from what I used to be. I struggle to find the energy to do the work, and I have thoughts about it being a waste of my time.

However, I feel I must finish the boat before I move on to other things. I have considered all the options, and decided in Spring this year that I want to finish the project.

There are many good reasons to finish the boat, such as having a sailing boat that I can use, and seeing the tangible product of all my work.

Yet I find that in my mind, these things matter less and less. My nervous system feels like it is in dorsal-vagal when it comes to this project – it wants to shut it out, it feels helpless, and feels it needs to conserve energy.

I still can’t see a way forward other than to finish the project. Do I need to coach myself/sell myself on why I should finish the project?

 

Answer:

The purpose of coaching is to gain awareness, and help you accomplish your goals. It sounds like there is some either/or thinking here…either you finish it, or the project is incomplete. Is that your only option? Since this project feels like an homage to a perfectionistic past self, let’s get curious about what possibilities might pay tribute to that…are there other options for finishing the boat that you haven’t yet considered? If so, what are they (how else can this boat be completed)? Write them down, and take note on how you feel when you look at this list. What comes up for you?

Tell us in a follow up submission titled, “Boat pt. 2”.