Help with identifying an identity for this months theme

What identity am I expanding into?

Inhabiting my current preforessional role. It is my first job back in the industry I love after taking a break to have kids. Adjusting to working at a lower level of responsibility with lower pay and no creativity. Not judging myself and expecting others to judge me for being at this level/paygrade at my age and with my experience.

But this is also my first role with this new understanding of myself as neurodivergent therefore with the context of understanding why I struggle with certain things and how and why I can accommodate myself, practically but also just in terms of being kinder and more understanding towards myself for finding certain things hard.

I could also spend more time giving myself credit for the things I do well. And I got really nice feedback from my boss at a recent one-to-one so I know I’m doing a good job. I’d like to ask for a raise especially as that will help me be able to take on the mortgage on my own, however I’m scared to ask.

I am able to accommodate myself by using AI tools to communicate at work. I’m able to take a step back and reduce my expectations of myself to be able to work when the environment on the office actually makes that too challenging. Able to take time out and sometimes ask for help when I need to.

I’m being more authentic in how I show up at work, sharing more of my genuine responses and thoughts about things. Allowing myself to be known instead of staying quiet and letting people create a version of me from my silence and their own interpretations of that. Taking the initiative more to be friendly instead of waiting for others to approach me first.

At the same time I’m being conscious of not to latch on to or being needy around those I feel safe or connected to. Remaining within my boundaries and giving others space.

I could formally disclose my diagnosis and ask for accommodations. In advance of the access to work assessment later this year. I can ask for support from the coach who is doing my ATW application to do this.

Expanding into accepting myself and the situation I’m in. I’m working at a level that I can sustain. I’m supporting myself and my children. I’m learning to be independent again and take the decisions I need to take with the responsibilities I have without allowing myself to get overwhelmed and paralysed. Being graceful with myself when life feels challenging and I’m not as productive as I feel I should be.

Taking the initiative with managing my time outside work so that I maintain a healthy work life balance instead of throwing everything onto the back burner so that I can show up for work with energy and focus. Actually that cuts both ways.

Starting creative projects and learning to follow through on them. Not feeling creatively fulfilled but I’m learning how to start and finish small projects, expecially small projects for or with my kids, to build that muscle.

But I’m finding it difficult juggling all the thoughts I have about where I should be in life at this point, accepting that I’m a newly single mother in perimenopause struggling with a lot of thoughts about how difficult life feels for me and how easy life seems to be for my (ex-)husband. I need to find a way to be “friends” with him because that’s what he now wants when I am still so hurt and still just resent him for abandoning the marriage after everything we put into it.

Honestly it all feels overwhelming as there are so many threads to try and balance and keep hold of whilst reconstructiong my life and I don’t know where to start! Some of my recent goals have been around sorting my house out so that it feels more like a genuine representation of me and a home that feeds my soul, rather than a white box This is a project which helps me be creative but also feels physically exhasuting in the amount of work it takes. And then I’ve been trying to get out more and ride my bike to stay fit and use that as a way to connect with people and build some friendships that resonate with me. But I periodically get overwhelmed and tired and stop riding altogether. Same with sea swimming, I feel the cold too much to do that recently even though it’s been the bedrock of my mental health for so long. And I want to be doing some strength work too but I’ve not managed to build that into my schedule.

And I need to build in being healthy, eating healthily on a budget, looking after my two children half the week, trying to sleep again after years of insomnia. I’m building some good skills there but it’s still an issue and I’m still waking up earlier than I’d like and feeling tired a lot. I started this thread of thoughts a week ago, and now I’m fully premenstrual and about to start my period any day (I’m peri so it’s very irregular). So what felt like a constructive thought downlaod around identity has now spiralled into overwhelm and despair. But I promised i would actually use this and post something.

And I want to start dating again, especially as I feel that will free up some of the resentment towards my co-parent (and because I want to too!), however I don’t even know where to start with that and feel very scared of how things have changed in the last 20 years I’ve been in a relatioship.

Long and short: I’m basically rebuilding my life from scratch, but with two primary school aged kids.

So if you have any thoughts on how I can tease some thoughts around my identity from this jumble I’d just be really grateful for any guidance, especially if I can simplify or focus things a little.

Answer:

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. We love a good jumble. It’s a great place to start. What I notice is you continually checking back in with your past in order to create your future. I also notice that what is missing is right now. The present is all we have. It makes sense that your brain feels a little lost in the present. How can you give yourself some love and compassion today? Take some deep breaths, move your body, relax your jaw and shoulders.  Being a human navigating lots of life transitions takes a lot of energy. Check in with yourself. What do you have capacity for today? If you trusted that everything you want will come to you in their time, what could you focus on now?