Help with models

Hi,
New to flow collective and listened to the model call last week. I would really like your feedback on these two…
C I cancelled a meeting I was going to help facilitate due to my colleague having covid
T I should have been able to lead the meeting without my colleague
F Inadequate. Anxious.
A Keep rethinking my decision process. Unable to move on.
R I make myself feel more inadequate.

C Everyone leaves the house at the same time in the morning.
T This will make me late for work
F Anxious
A Rush everyone out. Speak quickly. Panic voice.
R Feel like a bad parent who can’t do this calmly.

I look forward to your reply. I think some personal input might clarify the modelling a bit for me….

 

Answer:

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Thanks for submitting these. At first glance, and for a novice modeler, these look well done. Thoughtful and concise. Let’s start with your T-line in the first model. My first question is, “What do you think this means about you?” ‘Shoulds’ can be tricky in the T-line because they seem clear, but what that word hints at is that you have another thought that probably deserves the spotlight. Next, your T and R-lines are meant to be directly connected. This means that there will be similar verbiage used in each line, and I’d guess that, based on your R-line, your T-line will probably sound something like this: “I was too inadequate to run that meeting alone,” or something like it. Do you see how this T connects directly to your R and gets one level deeper and clearer than T Should? As for your F-line, choose one emotion…these feelings may have a similar root, but models are so much clearer when they’re as simple as possible (and I’d guess that when you get beneath The Should, you’ll find two different thoughts that lead to each feeling…try it out!).

Onto your second model.

The first three lines are concise and clear, but I wonder why being late is a problem for you (I’ll be following up on this in a moment). In the A-line, consider what you don’t do as well as what you do. This provides more self-awareness and informs your R. As you can see based on the feedback from your first model, your R-line probably belongs to another thought that pertains directly to your parenting and stress-management skills. In the model you’ve created here, I’d guess that your R-line is actually, “I behave as though I’m already late.” If that doesn’t land quite right, I’d guess it’s because being late is not the big problem…it’s how you manage the idea (stress/pressure) of being late. What do you think? When you write back, title your entry, “Help with Models pt. 2” so we know what you’re following up on. Great questions, great models, great submission.