Help with use of Coaching Model

Hi,

I’m new to TFC and I’ve just completed Modules 4 & 5 and I’m keen to practice the IM & UM.

I’m trying to use the models for a thought I had this morning and I’d appreciate some advice and another perspective on my action and result lines…

UM:
C: Husband worked late last night.
T: He’s choosing work over me.
F: Second-best / under-valued.
A: Avoided spending time with him.
R:
Here I’m unsure what the result is, as Maisie’s teaching mentioned it is most likely to be related to the feeling but my feeling isn’t true. He will have worked until his manager told him he could go. Could the result be ‘I continue to think xxx’ or ‘I continue to feel xxx’?

I’m reviewing the situation retrospectively, but a possible IM could’ve been:
C: Husband worked late last night.
T: He works hard because he cares about his job and the success of his team.
F: Proud / supportive
A: Be present and value the time when he’s at home.
R:

Looking at my cycle tracking data I noticed that today is day 14 and my notes for my previous cycle Day 14 were ‘jealous, wanting attention, sulky’, and I’m feeling the same today! Perhaps once I’ve worked this through a conversation with my husband about my needs on Day 14 could be really valuable.

Thank you very much!

 

Answer:

Welcome! We are so happy you are here and bringing your questions. Let’s look at these models to help you get the most out of self coaching. Especially with unintentional models we never want to judge what is happening in our brain. Just let those thoughts be there and look at them.

Take another look at your feeling line. What do you really feel when you believe he’s choosing work over you? Pick an emotion word. These feelings seem like more thoughts. For example “I’m second best.” Because our feelings drive our actions this is important to sit with. Often when we first start we don’t even know how to identify our emotions and that’s ok.

A: Avoided spending time with him.  What else did you do? What did you not do? It’s ok to fill this out with everything that happened because you were feeling this way.
R:  Your result always connects back to your thought and it’s always about you. Filling in your action line will help you see it more clearly.

See what comes up and bring back your question and models for more coaching.