Help with use of Coaching Model Pt 2.

Thank you for your feedback! Looking more closely at the feeling that comes up when I believe he’s choosing work over me, it’s a feeling of neglect. I’m confident this is on the right lines as it was an uncomfortable realisation and brought up some emotion, which continued as I listed more actions…
UM:
C: Husband worked late last night.
T: He’s choosing work over me.
F: Neglect.
A: Avoided spending time with him.
A: Didn’t cuddle or show any affection when getting out of bed in the morning.
A: Hesitated before responding to his initiations of affection.
A: Focussed on work as a distraction.
A: Sang a made-up rhyme to provoke a response when he was scrolling on his phone.
R:
Now looking at my actions, they seem to indicate the result: I was withdrawn from my husband. I think that may be closer, but possibly more to unpick…

 

 

Answer:

Great work here. Sticking with our unintentional model and really seeing what’s happening is so important. The goal is awareness and that’s happening for you. Right, now you can see that your thought leads you to create exactly what you are upset about, a separation between the two of you.

See what you think about this model.  When you have a thought and the feeling is hard to figure out, it can be helpful to ask the question “Why is that a problem for me?” or “What am I making that mean?” It looks like your feeling is actually the answer to that question, which still keeps it as a thought.

C: husband comes home at x:00

T: He’s neglecting me

F:  ? sad, unloved, hurt, frustrated, resentful,  what is the emotion that you feel when you believe he’s neglecting you that drives you to the actions you took?

A: same as above

R: I’m neglecting him