hiding my feelings

HI AAC

this is a little messy … I was about to post it on FB, but I think it has more value to bring it to you the coaches directly … I’d love to stop hiding how I really feel … so that I can eventually communicate what I need or ask for help … here comes the post that ends with an UM thought download. I’d be happy to get some insight to get me started working towards and IM

hiding

yesterday, I reached out to the community with a very vulnerable post and the request for some flow love.

after 30 minutes or so I had one response to my post. it came from my first boyfriend back when I was 14 years old. he was asking me if I needed to talk … which in hindsight was very very sweet …

yet I was shocked, felt ashamed and couldnt delete the post I had accidentally posted to my open fb page fast enough.

my post was called sitting with the uncomfortable and was very honest about what I am facing at the moment and also how I feel. so nothing to be ashamed of and still I was quick to delete the truth from the page … so today I reflect on why am I kind of hiding how I really feel, think, do? why did I feel shame talking about being sick for two months now? what made me cringe sharing that I had a horrible experience at a doctors office? and why should I not be honest about having to set a boundary towards my parents?

Facebook is not really where I would want to continue post life updates, but I can see a pattern here that extends to how I interact with people around me … I am not really saying how things are going …

I did a thought download … and the thoughts are so mean … It is hurtful to even write them … but I know that they are also connected to a form of protection and to a lack of trust in people

T: what will other people think of me?
T: people will put me in the victim box
T: you should not share how you feel, this is a sign of weakness
T: I am overreacting
T: other people have problems too, yours are not more important
T: what if I say how I feel and no one cares?
T: this will have conseqeunces
T: why do you think you are so important?
T: you can not trust people, they will use this against you
T: you are not supposed to feel sad
T: you don’t deserve to feel sad
T: if your parents find out, they will be really angry
T: you are selfish

 

 

Answer:

Let’s take a moment and check in with your nervous system. How is it now? What parts of your story are perfectly understandable from a lens of nervous system activation? What led to shock, shame, delete?

When you feel able and open to do some thought work, Let’s answer that question-What if you say how you feel and no one cares? What does your brain think is the worst thing that can happen. Have there been times in your life where you did share how you felt and no one seemed to care or they shamed you for sharing?

And interesting to notice how you were honest, and very quickly had someone caring enough to check in on you…and that also felt really uncomfortable.

Give yourself some love. This is the messy uncomfortable work of being a human. We’re here to support you.