Holding Myself Back – Pt 2

Thanks for your initial response and questions, I’ve tried to do a thought model using not going for a walk as an example.

Circumstance: Not going for a walk, something is intended and planned to do.

Why didn’t I go for a walk?:
It means I can start work earlier or stay in bed longer.
I felt like I didn’t have the energy.
I didn’t want to.
It felt like a big thing to do.

What does this mean about me?:
That I’m lazy.
That again, I’m not looking after myself.
That I’m not moving myself and my life forward as I should be.
That I can’t do simple things that other people seem to do with no issues.
I don’t know what to do to help myself.

Feeling:
Panicked. Shortnesss of breath
Chest and top of stomach feel like they’re swirling.

Further thought:
I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, consistently making wrong micro decisions throughout my day and breaking promises to myself. It feels like I’m almost deliberately holding myself back from any improvement.

Results:
I berate myself.
I don’t go for a walk.
I don’t change or create the healthier habits I want to adopt.

 

 

Answer:

I want to gently point out something I’ve noticed in your submissions. You have a story about how you are deliberately holding yourself back and self-sabotaging.  It’s presented as a fact, an observation. It’s not though. These are optional thoughts.  The walk and other small goals are bringing up these thoughts and that’s exactly what we want. You’re right where you need to be.

How does this thought feel? Put it in a model and see what you are creating.

C: planned a walk Tuesday at 8 am, did not get out of bed.

T: I’m deliberately holding myself back from any improvement.

F:

S:

A:

R: ?

Sometimes we as humans get some awareness and immediately turn it around on ourselves. We use thought work and other concepts against ourselves. We feel worse, but we also feel justified in beating ourselves up.  Why do you think your brain wants to continue to believe that you are self sabotaging on purpose? What does that story protect you from? Where did you pick up this pattern of thinking? Who would you be if you let go of this story? Be honest and see what your brain thinks unintentionally and intentionally. Give yourself loads of compassion as you explore. There’s no rush, no wrong answers.