Holiday and stress/anxiety

Hello, I am going on holiday next Friday and I’m worried that when I’m away I won’t be able to enjoy my holiday because I’ll be stressing about things going on at home. I really want to coach myself with some thought work for how to cope with things that come up when I’m away that I have no control over. I have just started a new job and all the worries I have are things that I can’t really control – like ‘how will i settle in to this new workplace’ and ‘what will my new boss be like who starts in a weeks time’ and ‘how long will I stay in this role for before i get promoted’. I think these thoughts are more likely to bubble up to the surface when I’m on holiday away somewhere quiet. And I want to work on being able to give my brain some time to calm down and relax. I’ve recently been away on a yoga retreat and the whole week I was spending time thinking about what my new workplace would be and my mind felt so distracted. This is the intentional model I’ve got so far, but I’m stuck on working out my thought line and action line. Any advice would be so so appreciated. Thank you!

Intentional
C On holiday in Spain
T
F Accepting, relaxed, light-hearted
A
R Feeling rested from my holiday

Unintentional
C On holiday in Spain
T Being new at my job is going to make me have a bad holiday experience because I feel unsettled with my team and I haven’t met my new boss yet
F Agitated, restless, worried
A Biting my nails, grinding my teeth at night, loss of appetite, lack of self care
R Not enjoying my holiday like I would like to

 

Answer:

You have great awareness that you are asking questions that you have no control regarding their answers. For that reason, there is also no answer to them. Brains do things for a reason. What reason do you think your brain has to ask these questions?

Is your brain trying to prepare you? Does your brain think it will decrease any discomfort by feeling it ahead of time?

Whatever the reason, you already see that you cannot change anything about them. So the first step is to understand what your brain is trying to accomplish. Then ask if it will be able to accomplish this goal in this way.

Many times, we want to move away from what our brain is doing too quickly. We want to get to that intentional model as fast as possible. Our brains won’t let us do that until we acknowledge where the brain is now and why.

You may think “Of course I’m worried. I’m thinking that I have not met my boss yet. My brain is trying to prepare me for anything. Thank you for your help, brain. I know that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way once I am there. Right now, though, I know nothing will change except for my vacation.” Once you feel that feeling ease a bit from acknowledgement, you can start trying out a more intentional thought.

In order to find that intentional thought, choose what you most want to feel. Models are much easier with one thought and one feeling. You can do multiple models about the same thing, but do a different one for each feeling. If you wanted to feel relaxed, as yourself “What would I have to believe to feel relaxed?” You can do this with any of the feelings.

Once you recognize what you would have to believe, test it out. For example, if you believed “I am safe to enjoy vacation”, then you would close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and repeat it to yourself. What do you feel? If it is relaxed, then you have your thought. If not, ask yourself again what you would have to believe to feel that way?

In regards to the action, ask yourself if you felt that one desired feeling, like relaxed, what would you do? Maybe you would be present. You would sleep well. You would enjoy your activity. What else?

Also ask, what would you not do if you felt that way? Maybe you would not think about work, or if you did, you would acknowledge it, feel it, and move on. Maybe you would not believe anything was going wrong. What else?

If you are still struck with the action line, include your thought in the question of what you would do. For example, “When I think ‘I am safe to enjoy my vacation’ and I feel relaxed, what do I do?” Sometimes bringing that thought into the question helps to focus the brain on that model.