Thank you for answering my questions. I have tried to think about how I would feel if I have permission to leave at any time, but, practically, cannot come up with ways I can leave the party at any time. My partner and I have only one car, there is no bus connection to his parent’s house and it isn’t possible for me to borrow someone else’s car so I can leave without making my partner have to leave as well. They would also not understand why I would leave in the middle of the party and ask questions if something is wrong, and while I recognize that their feelings are not my responsibility, it will put my partner in a position to explain, after I’ve left.
If I make a decision based on love for myself, my partner and his family, the model would look like this.
C: Christmas gathering at in-laws’ house
T: taking care of myself is the most loving thing I can do for myself, my partner and his family
F: loving/allowing
A: not attend and stay home
R: I am taking care of myself
I struggle with coming up with a thought which is loving towards myself, my partner, as well as his family. I doubt if this thought is loving towards his family, or, if so, how. It feels as if this thought is only loving towards me.
Answer:
Get curious and explore your definition of loving. It doesn’t mean making sure people are always happy with your decisions. That starts looking a lot like people pleasing. What does true, unconditional love look like when you know you do not want to attend a party?
Of course, if “love for everyone” is not resonating with you, try honesty. Authenticity. What feels right and good to you?
What if connection in our relationships comes more from being our true selves than from trying to pretend?
A few times recently Maisie decided to take care of herself instead of doing planned calls. How was that an example of what’s possible for you?
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