Hormonal moods and irritability affecting working life

I am a dance and yoga teacher, 46 years old and perimenopausal. Last week was late autumn/ winter for me and I had a very rough time mentally and emotionally. The night before my period started, I was teaching my lovely group of advanced dance students (high school and young adult.) During a partner exercise that is meant to be quiet and introspective, they were responding loudly and laughing a lot. We have done this particular exercise before and they had a similar response, so I thought this time would be a little more focused. I became extremely agitated and delivered a heated lecture to them about respecting the work, focussing and leading the younger students at the studio by example. I stand behind what I said but wish I hadn’t been quite so harsh in the delivery. It has stayed with me all week and I feel terrible, like I’ve broken a bond with them. I’m confused as to how much of my response was warranted, and how much was hormone driven. I got my period the next day (my cycles are somewhat irregular) and realised that’s why I was so quick to react with anger to something that normally would not have irritated me to the same extent.
My question is: should I apologise? I stand behind the content of what I said but I also recognise that it was a gross overreaction.

 

Answer:

What feels most aligned with your values? As a teacher, what do you want to model to your young students? What are you making it mean if you apologize or don’t apologize? Think about the emotion you want to come from next time you meet with your students. Think about the amount of energy you want to spend on this decision. You’ve already given it a week.

If it was an easy answer and you knew exactly what to do, what would it be? You get to pick the uncomfortable emotions you feel…the ones that come from feeling you overreacted which is probably shame, or the ones that come from apologizing, what do you think that emotion is?

Whatever you do, you get to decide that it’s the right thing. Make the call, follow through and move on. Give yourself lots of compassion. Now that you’re a little bit further removed and you can look back at what happened, take the lessons you’re learning here and keep them for the future.

Look at what’s happening now:

C: I said words in dance class

T: I’ve broken my bond with them (students)

F: shame? what do you feel when you think this?

A: worry about what I said and how I said it, indulge in indecision, don’t apologise, focus on myself,  what else do you do or not do?

R: I disconnect from myself and my students