How to stop judging my needs so harshly

Hello,

Early this spring I learned that I’m pregnant, and it has really upended a lot of my self-identity. I think of myself as a proactive, active, high energy person. I haven’t been able to do my workouts, stay on top of my chores or cooking as much, and also had to stop taking some of my medications.

I have found a few activities I can do now — naps, baths, yoga, LOTS of gratitude (like twice a day)– that make me feel better. However, I’m writing in because I find myself judging the heck out of myself and being reluctant to make time for these activities I know will make me feel better.

C: I notice that I’m feeling low energy/mood-wise and consider what I need/what could help.
T: is that really necessary? Can’t you get on without it? Why are you so low anyway? You already are taking extra time to do your regular daily tasks; where am I supposed to fit in this extra stuff?
F: needy, critical, annoyed, resentful at myself
A: deny myself the things that would make me feel better;
R: feel even lower/worse

Writing this out, I can see how unhelpful this pattern is. Even with something as small/quick as gratitude journaling a few things, I can see how much better I feel afterwards but am so resistant to do it. Unless I put my journal and pen right next to me and do it first thing when I wake up to short circuit the negative thoughts, I have a hard time changing my direction for the rest of the day.

My therapist has said that this pregnancy is an opportunity to practice receiving and stating my needs, which I already had a hard time doing. It seems impossible that I can receive from others if I’m having this hard of a time giving myself the small things I know would help.

Is this a self-love thing? Or an acceptance thing?

 

Answer:

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Let’s get curious about something – why do you feel resistance when you consider doing a thing that you think will make you feel better? You asked a lot of questions in your T line – answer them or turn them into statements. These are the reasons. For example: “Is that really necessary?” = “That isn’t really necessary.”

I wonder if instead of it being a self-love or acceptance thing, if it’s a self-awareness thing. Noticing what stories your brain is serving up for you and whether you like them can be so powerful, and can just as easily disempower unhelpful thoughts. Just because your brain is offering bad stories that create resistance doesn’t mean that’s the only option for you in that moment. What if you could normalize this resistance and it wasn’t a problem anymore? “Oh, this is the part where my brain resists doing what I know will feel good afterward,” is how that might sound.

The next step is deciding what story you want to tell yourself about what feeling resistance means, and what story you will choose to lean into going forward based on how you want to feel.

What comes up for you when you think about this? Come back with all of it when you are wanting more coaching on this.