Husband’s concerns about my Period/PMT

Hi There, I’m new to TFC so just trying this out to understand how it works a little more.

I have been experiencing painful periods and increasingly intense PMT over the last couple of months and my husband has been calling me out on it saying he won’t give me sympathy unless i do something about it (One of the many reasons i joined TFC!)

My issue is that i now feel i have to hide how i am feeling every month for fear of being ignore/told to go to the doctors/sort it out

I don’t have a great relationship with western medicine around my cycle (they put me on the pill when i was 16 to improve my period pain & i suspect this is one of the reasons we haven’t been able to concieve)

I also have some very strong phobias of gynaecalogical procedures/investigations, so i am petrified to go to the doctors about the pain.

I was sent a few years ago for some fertility investigations and the DR went straight in saying he wanted to investigate for endomitriosis (despite the only symptom relating to that being a painful period) He then failed to fully explain the investigative surgery involved to me properly, including how long it would take to recover & despite me calling several times to try to talk to someone about the procedure, I was just told “its fine, they will explain on the day”

it has left me really frightened of going to the Dr about my period pain/pmt which subsequently means I’m trying to cope on my own and hide how I’m really feeling each month from my husband (which is really hard some months!!)

Im not sure who to go to about the phobias, So far I have tried hypnotherapy & some other healing modalities but its still very present and its actually become so bad now, its made me too frightened to try to conceive as i realise there is no escaping gynae investigations if i did fall pregnant

Feeling quite stuck with this so would love to hear your views. I hopeful there will be some content that will help me with investigating the PMT/Pain so that i can try to manage myself but appreciate any coaching on the husband/phobias stuff.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and help me

 

 

Answer:

Welcome. We’re celebrating your first question and beginning your Flow Collective journey with you! Your husband is allowed to think whatever he wants. He can say what he wants. He also can’t really help you feel better emotionally or physically. In that regard, he’s right that it’s up to you to figure this out. But that is the best news, because you’re doing what you need to do to support yourself and get this figured out.

If we put this in a model it would look something like this:

C: husband said “I won’t give you sympathy unless you do something about it.”

T: he’s calling me out

F: afraid

A: hide my symptoms, hide my emotions, don’t say anything, worry about the future, don’t go to the doctor

R: I put my head deeper in the sand

Notice how your thoughts about his words creates more separation and more suffering for you. It’s ok that this is happening. Your nervous system and your brain are afraid of all the unknowns. What else could you think about what oyur husband said? See what comes up as you explore this and bring any questions or models back for more coaching. There is so much content that will help you. You can even search here in AAC by keyword and look up PMT or PMS and see other questions that have been answered.