I don’t like myself

I joined the Flow Collective to take better care of myself and to change some of my harmful beliefs. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying really hard to speak kindly to myself.

I thought I was doing well until last night (post ovulation dip?) – I saw a video with me in it and was reminded how much I loathe myself. I feel like an imposter. I had the thought that my self care over the last few weeks meant nothing. I feel like a traitor writing these things down in this community, a place so invested in self care. I have been trying really hard to teach myself that my appearance has nothing to do with my worth, but I’m not sure I’m making any progress.

I’ve been told by many older women that their insecurities got better with age and they felt similarly at my age (23). I’m so sad that I’m being unkind to myself because nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I’m desperate and I have no idea where to start. I came here to learn to love myself and it turns out I don’t even like myself. I’m devastated.

 

Answer:

We appreciate your openness and vulnerability.

It sounds like what you are working on like talking kindly to yourself, is a new practice. Many times when we start a new practice, we expect it to be a linear progression, meaning that it just keeps getting better and better. The reality is that it is not linear. We do a bit better, and then we take a step back. That step back is an opportunity to learn and grow. That step back helps us leap forward until the next obstacle. Then that obstacle will teach us something different that will send us closer to our goal when we learn to overcome it.

In other words, nothing is going wrong. It may not feel good now. It is still an opportunity to grow.

So what was it about that video that creating self-loathing? List it all out. Now make a list of what are the things that you love about yourself. It may be big or small. It may be how something feels or works or looks. What comes up for you as you see these lists? Look at the lists and ask how are the items true? How are they not true?

The most important part is that as you work on loving yourself, the thoughts that you choose must be believable to you. So if “I like myself as I am” is not believable to you, see if one of the following is more believable:
* “It is possible that I could like myself.”
* “I’m working on liking myself.”
* “Humans are lovable as they are, and I am human.”
* “I like my ____ (ex smile). My smile is part of me, so it is possible to like myself.”

What comes up for you? Bring back what you discover and we can continue to coach.