I don’t like people looking at me

I literally couldn’t wait to get coaching on this any longer. My employer has put a camera in my work truck that is monitoring my every move; which I discovered this morning, after being out for the past week. This just makes the issue more uncomfortable.
I have wanted to get coaching on this for some time but I didn’t know how much of an issue it was. Not wanting people to look at me is keeping me from doing things, like my hobbies and outdoor activities. I don’t like people looking at me because I’m worrying about judgment or harassment. I was bullied a lot growing up and I’ve often been the only female in my work environment for the last 2 decades.
I believe this could be considered a safety thing but also an exclusion thing. I hate to label myself as paranoid but it might get to that point at times. I would like to work on the hold that other people looking in my direction has on me. I absolutely notice the difference when I’m not feeling very well physically. That’s usually a sign that I need to take some time for myself. But as an overall issue, I know people are gonna look at whatever they want and I don’t want to care about their looks.
Examples of how it keeps me from doing things that I enjoy are:
I don’t go for walks if I can’t find someone to go with.
I will miss events I’m interested in for the same reason.
I will order groceries to be delivered to avoid people.
I just don’t enjoy myself in a fun, playful way unless there are others with me.
That makes me sad because I used to spend a lot of time out and about by myself. It feels like such an inner conflict because I am avoiding social interactions while wanting more social interactions. I just don’t want people to notice me unless I want them to lol. I know I’m different from others and I know that I have a magnetic energy that seems to draw people in but I don’t always feel comfortable with the attention, good or bad.

 

Answer:

 

It sounds very understandable as to why you are having this response to people looking at you – in our reptilian brains, feeling unsafe, or as though you’ll be excluded is the precursor to dying. Your brain and body are doing their best to have a normal and protective response to a perceived threat.

The first question to ask yourself when you notice this hypervigilance becoming engaged is, “Am I safe? Is there a real, identifiable, and present threat to my physical, mental or emotional safety? What is my brain perceiving as a threat?” and checking in with yourself about what you want to tell yourself next – what story you want to broadcast in your brain about where other people are looking.

When you say you don’t want to care about their looks, it brings up the question for me, what do you want to care about if you were, say, on a walk?

Lastly, if you haven’t yet, the webinar on Somatics with Victoria Albina will be SO helpful for you with this! I highly recommend revisiting it.