I feel a person wants an apology, yet I feel I have nothing to apologise for : Part 2

Hi coaches, thank you so much for your response.
It has been quite a few weeks now, on 12 October I did an extensive thought download and answered your questions. Thinking about them often since, as more things have developed.
It really helped to think about my values, allowing them to lead me in the situation.
Helping my friend, being authentically me, trusting my instinct to not apologise. By not people pleasing/ giving in to the situation or to the upset partner, over which something had nothing to do with me. I chose to not fight fire with fire, to not answer aggression with aggression and to stick to my values, hold my nerve and not to allow their drama to impact my day to day.
The result was that the partner started speaking to me again and wants to meet for coffee. After some good message conversations, I have agreed to meet as I also understand that this person isn’t going anywhere and me falling out with my friends partner, over their own upset, is not who I am. I am proud I did this thought work around it, I have told a friend and they said if they were me, they’d just never speak to them again – that just isn’t me and is unrealistic.
In this time I was also able to take a more objective over view of the whole situation – the storm analogy really helped. It helped me see that they are also the eyes of their own storms. I just made a decision to not let it affect my relationship with my friend – and from that, I actually feel it has brought us closer – the friend really showed a vulnerability to me that I understand would have been hard, as they usually keep that side of themselves hidden.
Going forward, I will continue to show up to my friend as I am, how I feel I want too, irregardless of their partner. With their partner, I will keep trying and letting that friendship bloom for as long as I feel appropriate and with how they are with my friend.
The things I have learnt from TFC, I could see both of their nervous systems totally activated, completely haywire in terms of not being in their bodies and the crisis they found themselves in – that knowledge let me see that it isn’t truly them either, and allowed me to give and show grace. Not allowing shitty behaviour or being an apologist for it, but seeing it for what it is.
I did notice some recent thoughts, like; the partner only contacts me to moan about my friend, and only talks about themselves. I’m exploring this, asking if it is true? And realising that I also haven’t tried to reach out to them.
Thanks for the coaching and the a way to navigate this tricky social scenario.

 

 

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This is so awesome to hear, and we are cheering for you behind these keyboards! It might be a great to take a moment to reflect about how you were able to create this experience as you navigated something that challenged you. What did you learn about yourself? What do you want to hang onto going forward and what do you want to do differently the next time a tricky social situation arises? What are you really really proud of yourself for doing?