Improving relationship with travel pt.3

Dear AAC-coaches,

Thanks so much for your valuable insights. I´ve made great progress on creating a new relationship to travel and am giving myself space to explore what works for me and what needs to change. I implemented a lot of the things you encouraged me to consider, and some worked out perfectly.

Something I´m struggling with a bit is actually the coming-home part of it. During the trip, I´m in a different mode and just do it. Once I´m home, I really want to not have anything to do with the world for a day or two. I enjoy being at home, cleaning, putting my things in order, doing some yoga, reading and simply being in my own space, with noone else around, not hearing/taling to anyone. I really need this. In pt2, I already planned for that.

However, I noticed that I feel a bit rushed to “be back to normal” sooner. This is mainly driven by the expectation I´m sensing from my husband, who missed me, and my need for us to be good. He is neither introvert nor highly sensitive, so he just does not get it on an intuitive level. I can explain, but cannot expect him to “get it”. Also, I understand that it can be frustrating to have a partner who occasionally does not talk/shut the door/is not available at all.

Maybe, there is also some lack of the “riding away” phase of a jump in this.

While I got better at creating these outer boundaries and space, it does rattle me inside and I would love your coaching on this. I wish I could just not care, but that is not the case. He is the most important person in my life and I do care how he feels and it is important to me to be ok as a couple. This gap in needs creates stress in me, which only leads to me needing more time to recover. It´s not that there is an argument or anything, it´s rather the sense of his – understandable – frustration which is making me a bit nervous and annoyed. I should mention that we have two small houses right next to each other, because me needing a lot of own space is not a new thing and this is our approach as a couple to make it work for us.

If you could guide me through navigating this, that would be fantastic.

 

Answer:

It’s wonderful to hear that some things are working when it comes to restructuring your relationship with travel! Good on you!

Let’s cultivate some more understanding of where you are with what’s coming up now, and really knowing the problem before we jump to solutions. Why is it making you feel a bit nervous and annoyed that you are sensing his frustration? Explore compassionately and candidly – this is a safe place for you to lay it all out on the table.