In-law visit

C: in-laws visit for one week in our one bed apartment
T: they will judge me
F: uncomfortable
A: don’t say what I want to do, I’m not relaxed and open, worry about what I say, spend a lot of the days on edge, feel awkward in my own home
R: I judge myself

C: visit
T: I won’t have any time or space to myself
F: panicky
A: overthink how I should ‘entertain’ them, feel trapped, don’t relax even when we do have down time
R: don’t have time or space for myself

I’ve lots of thoughts about it. They’ll judge that I don’t work in the mornings, we won’t be able to have sex which is annoying, we’ll have to spend lots of money eating out and doing things, it’ll be awkward, they’ll judge me. It’s a bit of a muddle. I like these models and they look nice but they don’t give me a sense of relief.

C: visit
T: this is such value family time for my partner
F: loving
A: leave everyone in their own model, go with the flow, go to our room and lie down when I want some alone time, state my opinion regarding plans, talk when I want to but don’t feel I need to keep conversation going
R: love me and allow them have family time

C: visit
T: I get to love myself
F: loving towards me
A: take breaks, go out by myself some times, state my opinions
R: get through the visit and love myself

 

 

Answer:

Your intentional thoughts aren’t feeling good because your circumstance still feels negative. Them visiting is something you have to “get through.”  It’s something that you are doing only for your partner’s benefit. Almost like it’s a sacrifice. That doesn’t sound very fun.

What are you most worried they will judge you about? Do you judge yourself for these things? If you were 100% confident, you wouldn’t worry about what they were thinking. You can’t control that. But you can play with the belief that you are amazing just the way you are.

What if you loved the part of you that was worried about your apartment and close quarters with your in-laws? The part that cares what they are going to think. The part that chooses not to have sex when the in-laws are in the next room. The part that thinks you have to entertain them?   Love those parts and then also be open to this visit being for you. How could it be? I’m assuming you plan to be connected to these people for a long time so why not enjoy it. See what comes up and bring any questions or models for more coaching.