Irritability with partner

Hi
I’ve recently moved house with my partner, we’ve lived together before but I’m finding it really difficult being in his company and that my nervous system is activated almost constantly.
I’m having thoughts about things he is saying that I see as criticism, which is making me feel irritated / annoyed and leads to thoughts about not wanting to be with him.
I’ve been in an abusive relationship before and have struggled with trauma in this relationship and struggled to differentiate what has happened in the past to what is happening now, which maybe is leading to me feeling overly protective.
Here is a model
C: he says words about leaving a light on
T: he’s always criticising me
F: on edge
S: tight chest / brain cloudy
A: nervous system activated
A: want to leave
A: Fantasise about a life on my own
A: withdraw from him
R: I move around in this activated state and make more ‘mistakes’ / see him as an unsafe person

I’ve tried saying that I’m not available to comments about leaving the light on or using the ‘wrong cloth’ and sometimes I can laugh it off but I just can’t shake the feeling in my chest today.
I did wonder if maybe I’m feeling unsafe as I’m looking for praise from him as a way to feel safe?? part of what triggered this feeling this morning was washing the floor and then him complaining that the floor was wet so he couldn’t hoover it…

 

 

Answer:

Give yourself some love. It’s not always easy living with another person, especially when you’ve experienced relationship trauma.

Listen to yourself. What does your inner knowing want to tell you right now? If you could be completely honest about what you’re experiencing when words are said, what would you tell your partner?

In what ways are you trying to talk yourself out of your truth? Why?

Bring back any questions or models you need more coaching on. Be gentle and tend to your nervous system as needed.