Irritated with husband

I find that I often get irritated with my husband. We have been married for 40 years, but sometimes he still does things that he knows annoy me – i.e. putting dirty dishes on the draining board, leaving doors open, leaving windows open with the lights on at night so the bugs get in etc. etc. It seems to have got worse now that we are both retired as we are together more.
C – He does something
T – He shouldn’t do it like that
F – Irritation
S – Tight chest and tightness around my eyes
A – Complain about what he is doing
R – Ongoing resentment in relationship
Intentional:
C – He does something
T – Ok he’s done something – it’s neutral
F – Calm
S – Relaxed
A – Go about my day, maybe make a supportive or positive comment of some sort
R – Relationship improves
Does this sound reasonable? It might be a step too far as I find that the irritation just rears up suddenly, maybe I could try and practice a pause.

 

Answer:

 

Let’s follow this little curiosity about practicing a pause. Why are your curious antennae wandering in that direction? Trust your gut – I wonder what it has to say.
In the meantime, what if you were compassionate with the irritation when it arises? One way I’ve heard that kind of compassion sound is, “This is the time when I feel irritated with my husband.” It’s more of a practice self-awareness instead of trying to change your response right away. What’s coming up for you when you think about that possible next step?