Issues with sensory overload

I generally have a lot of noise sensitivity, particularly leading upto my period.

I can manage this to a certain degree with earplugs etc. when out and about.

However, the current issue I’m having is the volume my husband speaks at. His natural volume level, I would say, is slightly higher than the average person – especially when he’s feeling passionate about a subject matter. (which is often and something I love about him so I don’t want him to stop talking!!)

I can generally cope with it slightly better if we are out and about and there’s multiple people in a social situation, but if we are at home I find it very difficult.

When I’m finding it too much, I have tried to ask him politely to perhaps try and lower the volume of his voice…. However, this always seems to result in him becoming defensive and frustrated. Whilst I do explain the issue is me and my sensory issues, his general response tends to be to either just stop talking, or with what seems like slight sarcasm, talk dramatically quiet.

This is incredibly frustrating because I want to enjoy the time we spend time together and our conversations.

I realise it’s my “oversensitivity” – however I really don’t feel it’s something I can control, and it’s gotten so that I end up having to not be around him because it’s too overwhelming.

Have you got any suggestions as to how I can progress this issue with him? So far, trying to discuss it with him has proven futile! Thank you in advance.

Answer:

On the practical side, there are earplugs that just lessen noise without blocking it out for this exact reason. If you haven’t looked into them, see what you think. If you have already and you’re still in this place, there are some things we can look at.

First, I notice that there are two things happening here. One is the practical part of his volume and your capacity for auditory input sometimes being a mismatch.

Then there is the part where your husband reacts in a way you don’t like. Have you allowed yourself to feel all the feelings that come up for you when this happens? What emotions might “Frustrated” be covering up? Anger is often a secondary emotion. Why might it be easier to feel frustrated than feeling the other feelings?

Do a thought download without judgement or editing to see what else is happening for you. Get it all out in the open. See what comes up and bring it back for more coaching.