Jealousy at work pt2

Hi coaches, so perhaps the models are more like this?

Answer:
C- go to work on same day as job share colleague
T – the children like her better
F – insecure
A – notice how the children respond to her / how affectionate they are with her
A – look for evidence of her being bossy
A – start questioning own ability
A – rant to husband about her being bossy and domineering
A – withdraw at work
R – focus more on colleague than myself

IM
C – same
T – I am valued and have my own unique skills
F – calmer
A – concentrate on my own work
A – look for opportunities to learn rather than compare
A – notice thought errors
A – awareness of boundaries
R – give myself opportunities to see own value in this situation and give yourself opportunities to grow from a place of love

It’s important for me to explore it because I don’t want be happy and fulfilled in my work and also to be doing it to the best of my ability. I feel shame at having the feelings of insecurity / jealousy and also a sense that I don’t want to be pushed around and made smaller but often get flustered when speaking to this colleague and agree / do things I afterwards wish I hadn’t!

What I believe to be a good TA:
– striking the right balance between a close / nurturing relationship and having their respect. This is something I’ve struggled to get the balance right – too friendly/playful and they can get cheeky vs too rigid/strict and it feels like you spend the whole day telling them off and then come back to do the same to my own kids. Maybe this is actually what I’m jealous about as she seems to have the balance naturally and so much confidence about it.

 

 

Answer:

Beautiful work on your models and your exploration. In your first model, your result could also be R: I like her better than me.  What do you think? What would be different if you had a rock-solid belief in yourself?

Shame seems really necessary but I would offer that it’s not very useful.  How can you allow yourself to be a human figuring things out? How can you give yourself more compassion when you notice your brain wanting to feel shame? What lies is shame telling you?

If you can, separate the issues in your mind: One is your relationship with your co-teacher.  The other is your relationship with yourself as a teacher.  Keep practicing and exploring. You don’t have to have this all figured out yet.