Lack of pride/ love for self

Hello Coaches,

I have noticed that I have based the majority of thoughts of love towards myself on the success and pride of certain job roles that I have perviously held. Since closing my business a year ago due to covid and birthing my son, I have taken some flexible work on to support with bills with the intention to find a new path to a business/career that I love, with I will focus on once the time is right.

This sounds wonderful when I write it down but actually how it plays out in my head is that I am craving independence and to feel proud of myself and in order to have this thought and emotion, I need to have a business that I love AND it needs to be a success. This takes valuable mind space away from my son and enjoying motherhood and is also putting alot of pressure on me finding ‘the right career path’ to even out the shame that I am experiencing. I have beautiful thoughts about becoming a doula which creates alot of warmth and excitement within me but something is holding me back and I am now questioning if this is the right move for me or if i am longing for that sense of ‘pride and love for myself’ that I create this feeling of excitement to become a doula. How would I be able to differentiate it?

Answer:

It makes sense that with the pressure you put on yourself to find ‘the right career path’ so you can even out the shame you’re feeling and feel pride and love for yourself instead, actually pumps the brakes and has you hesitating to move forward.

In this scenario, you’re going to feel ashamed if it doesn’t work, and pride and love if it does. Do you see how this creates an either/or scenario – failure or success? Bad or good?

I’d like you to answer this question: is it absolutely true that you need to have a business that you love and that is a success in order for you to feel proud? What else might be true? How else might you be able to feel proud of and love for yourself right now in this very moment?

If you can feel pride and love for yourself right here right now, then you have evidence that you don’t need a job to make you feel that way…if that’s off the table, why do you want to become a doula? If the opposite is the case (that you can’t feel pride and love for yourself right here right now), why not? These answers will help you to truly know why you’re making moves – to avoid feeling shame, or because it truly nurtures you.

Bring back what discover and we can continue the coaching.