Late sibling rivalry

I have an issue with my mother that I want to look at. We live in the same house with my sisters, we both continue to run part of our parents’ business. But I, as the oldest in the family, often feel left out and alone. My youngest sister has always been taken care of much more. This morning such a scene occurred again, and I would like to look at it with a model.

Unintentionally:
C: My mother tells me that she got some lunch for herself and my sister.
Thought: I’m not important, I don’t belong.
Feeling: Anger, disappointment
Action: Defiance; emotional outburst; I get loud and hurtful.
Result: I am alone and do not belong.

Intentional:
C: ditto
T: I want to be part of the whole. Community is important to me.
F: Determination, clarity about my feelings.
A: I explain to my mother in a quiet moment – completely from my perspective, without reproach, talk about my feelings
R: I stand up for myself (??).

I am not sure about the intentional model. Somehow I feel a bit stuck as my wish would of course be to change the Actions of my mother … To change the circumstances 🙂

Thanks in advance for your help!

 

Answer:

The result in your first model is you prove your thought true. You give your brain the task of looking for evidence of how you are alone and do not belong and it finds it. Then you react and continue the loop. It sounds like you’ve had this story that your mother cares for your younger sister more than you and you’ve ben building evidence for it for a long time. It might even be true, that she does care for your sister more, so what?

The real question is why are you letting your family determine how you feel?

Expect them to continue acting the way they always have. Count on it. Where you will be able to start cleaning this up is to change what you’re making it mean about you. Anytime you want to feel a part of the community, you can. All you need to do is stop telling yourself you’re not. Give your brain the task of finding all the ways you are included.  If you had unconditional love for you and love for your family, what would that look like? Explore and see what comes up.