Laziness

I have always felt ‘lazy’, I’ll have great intentions to do something yet when it comes to it, I just don’t bother.

And when I try to identify that feeling at that moment apart, the best way I can describe it is ‘I can’t be arsed’.

My summer loving goal and rocks are a perfect example of this. My goal took me so long to come up with, I couldn’t put my finger on what it would be. But during & after July’s workshop, and with much analysis I spotted the patterns and noticed I was going over and over several decisions that needed to be made and not actually making them or moving forward. I also spent time reviewing the values we set out in our 1, 3 & 10 yr projections and looked out for ways that would move me towards multiples of those. I realised where I was, and set the goal:

‘Be intentional & get unstuck’

With the following rocks – where I also identified 2 sub-rocks for each, that would mean I had achieved the rock.

Rock 1: ‘Sort out re-mortgage early’
(i) get fixed rate locked in so monthly outgoings from Jan 2023 are known
(ii) get cash for new bathroom, birthday party & birthday adventures

My money worries were a distracting & incredibly heavy presence daily, I had become obsessed with how much money I wasn’t going to have when my fixed rate mortgage ends on 31.12.22 and the monthly payments would rocket. On top of this, a failing shower, plus the desire to make plans for a big birthday next month, I needed to borrow some money either as part of this remortgage or separately.

Debt I didn’t want to take on, but by ignoring it as I have done since may? 8 was just adding to the situation of worry. I told myself it’s okay to want this (Rock 2!), and my desires weren’t exactly that extravagant anyway. It was okay to want a party & visit family in Ireland, for many reasons – aside from celebrating with those who bring me joy & drag out my birthday! And by mid-August had I sorted my mortgage ready for 01.01.2023, taken out my loan, booked my bathroom refit, booked my flights to see family and have made some plans to mark my big birthday.

Rock 2: ‘Communicate my needs and desires’
(i) practice wanting
(ii) end relationship

My biggest takeaway from summer loving was ‘it’s ok to want, and it’s ok to want more’. I was in a relationship that was no longer meeting my needs. I had spent some time over the last 12 months learning about attachment styles and needs. I could see my basic attachment needs were going unmet, the ripple effect of this was huge. But I couldn’t really see a reason worth ending the relationship for though, because it wasn’t bad. But during this workshop, ‘it’s okay to want and it’s ok to want more’ really resonated with me. I wanted to tread carefully & not cause my (now ex) partner further troubles of his own. Nor did I want to point the finger of blame, as there wasn’t any really, and certainly no gain. I mustered up the courage to bring the subject up, it was so hard to do but I did it. And over the course of about a fortnight, by early August, we had talked at length about how although nothing was majorly wrong, something wasn’t right. I had prepared myself for the feelings that would come up at this point in time & listened to the advice ‘July me’ had set out about how to deal with those feelings. It was hard, and we cried and our contact is slowly fizzling now nearly 2 months on but I completely know it was the right step and few super, super proud.

Rock 3: ‘Listen to what body & mind need’
(i) make time for TFC
(ii) move

And here’s where I feel I need help, I have set out intentions because I really really want to – on a day when I’m working I think ‘if I wasn’t working today I could do ‘this module’ or ‘that call replay’ on a walk, but when I’m not working – those intentions just disappear. I’ve bought myself some good walking trainers (in April 2021!), I’ve bought reflectors and headlamp for when it goes dark. So I’ve no excuse – there is literally nothing stopping me other than me. And I’ve bought notebooks, I’ve printed off all worksheets in the TFC area – I have the free time to do it, and I am ready. Fully ready. But, I just can’t be arsed.

My internal monologue is ‘you could be doing this, you should be doing the other’. I have delved into Maisie’s resources linked to resistance & procrastination, and although much of that resonates with me and how I feel at that moment, I still can’t find the thing I’m hoping for, that thing that clicks, like so much other stuff has and kicks me up the backside. I’ve tried not getting cross with that resistance, and stroking it like the kitten it is!! But how can I get it to budge after the fuss and the love?!

How can I actually get my brain to tell my body, getting int TFC & getting out and moving are things I want (it’s not like I don’t want!) I have linked this rock to other possibly outcomes (ii in particular, I will feel healthier, make new friends/hobby? meet someone?), but I just can’t get myself there. I know it’s my brain doing something, but I can’t work out what or how can I shrug off the laziness? Any advice gratefully received, thank you.

 

Answer:

“I have always felt lazy.” is a thought, not a fact. It sounds like you are just conveying information but it is an optional way of thinking about yourself.  How do you feel when you believe you are lazy?

The way you spend your time, how many calls you listen to, how many walks you go on are all circumstances. You get to decide what you make them mean about you. Your self confidence will grow as you change the story you tell and as you learn to trust yourself to follow through, even when you don’t particularly feel like doing what you set out to do. Set small, doable and SPECIFIC goals for yourself and get them on your calendar. Set yourself up to win and celebrate when you do. Start today and tell the story you want to tell. What happened in the past is just information. It doesn’t have to mean anything.

Try an intentional model like this:

C: The Flow Collective

T: I’m becoming a person who…? Or pick any thought you want.

F: what do you want to feel?

A: what do you want to do? what do you want to stop doing? Really fill this in with specific steps.

R: Pick a specific, meausrable goal for participation.

Check out the Pep Talks in the membership. They are short and will help you with a little push as well. See what comes up and bring any questions or your models back for more coaching.