Living situation doubts

I’ve been considering moving to Bristol on and off for 2 years now. I did move there for a brief time 2 years ago but moved back to Norfolk, mainly for a relationship. I’m still in the same position 2 years later with what I think is an intuitive feeling that Bristol is the place for me. However I have also been through periods in the past few years where I feel like I want to be in Norfolk. At the moment I am living on an off grid farm with 8 people. The main things drawing me to Bristol is that there are more people, a bigger creative scene, there’s more opportunity, and I find cities a bit more exciting. ‘More people’ feels particularly important as at the moment in Norfolk I have only one close friend outside of where I’m living who actually puts in the effort to message me. I have drifted apart from a lot of my old friends here, and many people don’t put in much effort with me. For the most part I am pretty happy in my relationship with my boyfriend here, but I do sometimes wonder whether I could find someone who I was more compatible with. I’ve been very honest with him about my thoughts on Bristol and he is supportive of whatever I want to do. Recently he commented on how I’ve been very on and off about it, and he worries that if I moved to Bristol maybe the excitement would eventually wear off and then I’d get this same feeling of craving being somewhere else. Maybe it’s not so much about the place but about my mindset, and not chasing excitement so much? I’ve definitely lived in places that feel more exciting, but it hasn’t been for periods as long as 2 years. Maybe if I just stuck with it here and made more of an effort to make new friends here outside of where I’m living, I would feel more satisfied? Alternatively I could just try it and move to Bristol, but if I wanted to keep my place on the farm in Norfolk (in case I wanted to come back) that would require me to have a discussion with everyone I’m living with to see if they were happy with that.

 

 

Answer:

You’ve been thinking about this for 2 years and have likely thought of all the reasons both ways. Staying stuck in indecision can get mentally exhausting. I would offer that you use all the wonderful tools of self coaching and decision making and really start fresh, today. Whatever has happened in the past is irrelevant. Your future is secure because you have the model and you know you could be happy in either place. And you’d have some uncomfortable parts in either place. Take some deep, cleansing breaths and just allow yourself to make a decision. Whatever you decide, start taking action on getting what you want. It’s the fastest way to get unstuck. When you notice your brain wanting to go back to not being sure, thank it, don’t listen and keep moving on.

I would also offer that you be a little curious about your judgement of yourself for wanting to be somewhere more exciting or wanting to move many times. This isn’t a character flaw. Staying in one place doesn’t mean you’re a better person. There’s nothing wrong with chasing excitement. Some might even say more people should allow themselves to do it. Own it.