loneliness

dear coaches,

I am currently dealing with the topic of loneliness.
i was very lonely in my childhood because i come from a dysfunctional family. my need for independence and my own space is therefore very great. I like to live alone and I#m a freelancer. my partner and i don’t want children yet. i love all this very much, but the downside of it all is that i often feel lonely – or feel the way i did when i was a child, and that’s very painful for me. i know that i’m not a child anymore and i have great people in my life. but it often happens that i don’t see anyone for several days because of my independence (i work in my studio at home) and it’s hard to organize a date in the evening. i then feel like i’m alone in the world and no one is interested in me – just like in my childhood. my life then feels completely worthless. so far i have withdrawn further because i was ashamed, but slowly i’m starting to talk about it.
through cycle tracking, i’ve noticed that i really like to be around people in my spring and like to be alone in my fall. that’s already a big step forward for me. despite all that, i feel all the more lonely when i can’t organize a date in my spring. i’d like to feel anchored in my life and not like i could be kicked out at any time.
thanks in advance!

 

Answer:

Great work on your awareness of what you’re feeling. It’s such a big step to start exploring something like this for yourself. The great news is, you have much more control over your emotions than you might think. Lonely is a feeling and it doesn’t come from how many people you are around. There are pop stars who are surrounded by ten thousand fans and feel absolutely alone. Parents who have children with them 24/7 can feel intensely alone. Why? Because of how they are thinking.

Some of your thoughts right now are: I’m alone in the world. No one is interested in me. I don’t feel anchored in my life. I could be kicked out any time.

Keep exploring this with lots of compassion. We think the cure for loneliness is to be with more people, but it’s actually learning to love being with yourself.  What would be different if you were interested in you? Bring back what you discover and we can continue to coach.