Loneliness, heartbreak and weddings

Hello,

I would like some help with some thoughts going into a friend’s wedding this weekend. I am in my mid-30s and just had my 7th birthday in a row (and facing into the Christmas period too) as a single person. I’ve been really hoping to find a life partner for so many years, and now I’m desperate to start a family. This summer, I fell head over heels in love for the first time in years. We had the most amazing and intense relationship. But ultimately, he was unwilling to commit and we broke up. It’s almost three months later now, but my broken heart still feels very fresh. I miss him loads and wish things were different.

Most of my friends are married, and loads now have babies or are pregnant. I’ve gone to so many weddings on my own. I’m now going to a wedding this weekend and am the only single person of my group of friends. Other than thoughts about my ex, the thoughts going around and around my head include “I’m always the single one”, “I’m the only one left”, “I’m so alone”, and sometimes even “Is there something wrong with me?” I haven’t been able to find helpful thoughts going into this wedding. I’m excited to see my friends who I haven’t seen in a while, but I’d like to keep those negative thoughts at bay and just enjoy the day without feeling single and alone. I’d be so grateful for some advice. Thank you.

 

Answer:

So, you don’t want to feel single and alone. How do you want to feel on the day of the wedding? Because you are a dynamic human, you can have many feelings existing within you at once, and you get to decide which feelings have the stage for the day, or parts of the day. If you were to fill out the following model with a feeling you’d like to feel on the day of the wedding (connected, celebratory, supportive, present, etc.) what would the rest of the model look like?
C: Wedding this weekend
T:
F:
A:
R:
Also, because you are a dynamic human and can have many feelings within you at at once, you can do some self-coaching before the wedding where you get to honor and let yourself be seen and held where you are. It might be helpful to watch Victoria Albina’s Somatics webinar for some helpful regulatory tips to employ on the day of wedding. You are a beautiful, dynamic person who has capacity to house many thoughts and emotions in the same space. You are loved, and we are with you on this journey.