Losing my temper

I am at my Mums for a week. I had a breakthrough last year around our relationship which helped me feel more at ease around her. I already felt stressed before this visit and tense and I didn’t put anything in place before my visit to support myself. This has led me to be tense, angry, frustrated and its coming out towards my Mum as snapping, short tempered, defensiveness. Partly I can forgive myself, but I also feel a lot of sadness and anger towards myself for not being able to regulate my emotions. I am trying to tell myself that I am a daughter that is trying and not go into a shame doom spiral but its getting harder and harder as the time goes on. I feel so upset that I cannot change and my thoughts around this are seeping into all other areas of my life. For example how can I have a successful career, maintain a loving relationship, think about having kids when I can’t even spend a week with my Mum without being nasty. I keep thinking about how hurt she must feel because of how hurt I would feel if I had a daughter who acted in this way towards me. Everything is becoming muddled and I’d love some coaching to help me find clarity.

Answer:

If you have a cycle, check in with it. Could it be contributing to what’s happening? What about your nervous system? We can plan ahead in our minds as much as we want, but if our body is on guard is may react in ways we don’t like. How can you support yourself if either of these are contributing?

Be compassionate as you notice your brain making up stories about your future. Question them. Shame is such a powerful liar. How can you ground yourself in the present when you start thinking this way?

What can you learn from this about what kind of career person, partner and parent you want to be in the future?

For now, something you can do is to ask yourself what kind of child you want to be. You can’t change the past but you do have options of how to move forward. Try an intentional model, using your specific experience. Whatever you did is done, now what?

C: I said x words at x volume to my mother

T: What do you want to think?

F: what emotion do you wan to feel?

A: what do you want to do

R: What do you want your result to be?