LOW SELF WORTH

How can I build my self worth?
I am getting emotionally activated a lot at the moment in relationships, my intimate partnership and in group dynamics. I feel the root of all of it is having low self worth and self confidence.
For example, tonight I was sat at the dinner table with the older couple I am lodging with and there younger guest who is a similar age to me mid twenties. they are all active community leaders and engaged in social change work. They were having intellectual conversation about politics and social change and I felt very insecure. This comes up for me a lot in conversations where I start to have thoughts like “I dont know what to contribute, I dont know what to say, I dont understand what they are talking about” also a victim part of me comes in “I wasnt raised in a family where we sat round the dinner table having interesting conversations, we all sat in the living room and watched tv, no wonder i dont know what to say, I havent had practice at this.” And a comparison voice with the woman of a similar age “she went to steiner school, has a more supportive family blah blah” But also i felt like when i did contribute things what I said was an opinion and it seemed to upset one of the others and she disagreed, and i just felt more insecure for trying to speak so it was easier to be silent and listen. I walked out to the kitchen at one point and felt like crying because I felt so insecure and frustrated with these feelings. I self soothed by speaking compassionately to myself “I embrace you part of me that feels low self worth, i am going to take good care of you” etc I cleaned the whole kitchen instead of going back in because I wasnt enjoying the dynamic and prefered to be in my own company. This felt sad and I can see how this plays out in soo many situations and results in me not moving forward in my life and isolating myself.
I feel like similar feelings of low self worth were coming up in my intimate relationship which lead to me getting jelous or tearful or avoidant a lot and has now resulted in me and my partner having a month of space and i am contemplating whether I want the intimate relationship to end. There is so much pain and insecurity it is driving me mad. How can I work through this. I am part of the flow collective, I am having therapy, I am going for interesting jobs and being rejected and Houseshares, I have joined the gym and am getting fit and I try to meditate. Is there something here Im missing? Is it even possible for self worth to improve? I feel ive had low self worth since I was a child. All my family have low self worth. I was bullied as a teenager, Ive been sexually assaulted multiple times, My parents were on occaision abusive, this must all have contriutes. Plus the society ive grown up in. But I see others more confident than I. A lpot of them had healthier more nurturing and creative upbringings. But is it possible to recreate this in adulthood, or do I just have to accept that I will always struggle with low self worth. Gosh feeling so bloody over this. Am i just self centred? Would focusing on something outside of myself help my self worth improve? Any support welcome, Thank you Flow Collective Team!

 

 

Answer:

Firstly, just sending you a lot of love as you process through all this. How do you feel after writing all this out? Take a deep breath and give yourself a hug. Everything is going to be ok. We know this because it always is. Even the hard parts.

When we notice a time where everything seems to be pointing us in a certain direction, it can feel very uncomfortable. What if all the things you are experienceing now are working for you? When you are feeling like you have the energy to do so, explore this question with curiosity.

We would offer that you are doing a lot of things in order to feel better about yourself. All of which sound like good things to be doing. Actions don’t change how we feel, though. The question you need to answer for yourself is this one: Is it even possible for self worth to improve?

What do you think?

We absolutely 100% believe it is. All you need to do is stop believing the story you are telling about yourself. Here are a few thoughts you could try on:

I am not a victim.

I’m learning to trust myself.

I’m becoming a person who knows who they are.

My value is not based on my conversation skills.

I get to decide who I am intimate with.

Any job would be lucky to have me.

My infinite value has already been set. Nothing I do or don’t do can change that.

What would you add?