Making a request – part 2

Thank you for your coaching on this. It occured to me that I’m holding two sets of emotions here.
There is the original emotions of struggling around the work project that I’d asked for help with itself – the overwhelm here, the vulnerability, the stress of it, the self-doubt etc. (TBH I think all of this is very valid given what it is, how much it’s pushing my comfort zone, and part of that process). Which perhaps feel unresolved in themselves. Despite reaching out to a couple of friends and getting support in it.
Then there’s the extra layer of emotions on top of that around asking for help from this specific person, who I’d see as probably being the closest person to me in my life, and being what I think subconsciously I perceive as being ‘rejected’ or ‘abandoned’ by them. (This fits with a previous family dynamic with them, so I can see what it would activate those feelings).
So not only are my original feelings unresolved, but there’s another layer on top of them now, too.

I think I’ve been trying to ‘act normal’ because I don’t feel like I have a right to ask more of them. I know they’ve had a lot on. And just because I’ve asked for support, it doesn’t mean that they have to give it, not matter how close we are.

But yeah, I have found it very hurtful, which is perhaps part of a bigger issue of feeling isolated with this project and struggling with it.

I have gone into full on withdrawal mode with them now, because it feels too painful to deal with.

I know I will probably need to talk to them at some point. But because of the short deadline of my project (in the next week), this feels like my most urgent priority.

Do you have any tips on dealing with these feelings?
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

How do you want to deal with these feelings? All options are open to you. There is truly no wrong way to go about finishing your project and addressing your relationship with this person. Let yourself be human. Notice patterns that might be repeating themselves. Why do you think you withdraw to protect yourself?

When you are hurt, in pain, isolated and struggling, what is the most loving and compassionate thing you can do for yourself?