Making celebration feel ‘real’ – part 3

Thank you for your coaching on this!
I like the concept that this can be a choice, no right way. But for me, my motivation is that when I put myself down and minimise my success when I speak about myself to others, it makes me feel powerless, like I’m literally chipping away at a core part of me.
I think it comes from growing up and doing this with my mum – possibly linked to people pleasing – but being scared about getting in trouble, or being rejected… or more so, threatening her? Not wanting to make herself feel bad about herself, because of worrying she’d be unhappy or not like it.
[Even now, if you tell her something good, she won’t praise – its often met with nothing.]
So I think that’s where my brain goes when it comes other people too. But it doesn’t feel good! And i’ve got so good at celebrating and praising myself to myself – and the way i speak to myself. But it falls down when it comes to talking to others. And that just chips away at my inner sense of self in a way that I remember a lot from previously.
Do you have any tips on catching myself in the moment? Or possibly, being ok with ‘making’ someone else feel bad about themself by sharing a success of mine. Like in reassuring myself its safe to do so…. This can’t hurt them or make me unsafe etc.
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

If you could share your successes with all the people in your life, your family, your friends, strangers, etc….how would you get to feel?

Use that emotion to fuel yourself as you become the person you want to be. Let it be wobbly at first. Remember that emotions are just information. What would it be like to feel safe sharing? Is it worth whatever “river of misery” you have to swim across in order to get there?