Managing mind around first date – part 2

Hey, thanks for your coaching on this!

I found it really helpful to remember that I do always have a choice about what I’m inputting into my brain.
On this occasion, I dated the guy for about 2 months, but it wasn’t working for me in the end due to how he was showing or not showing up. [As further detailed in Navigating dating while going freelance]. I realised that he wasn’t meeting my standards and ended it recently.

But I wanted to take a moment to celebrate it, because through this experience I’ve now become someone who can feel strongly for someone – even if it doesn’t end up working out. It is big for me to actively like someone and have strong feelings for them.. In the past, I’ve been in dynamics where the other person was always more invested, and I was the one with commitment issues. I didn’t use to trust my feelings at all. However, this has shown me that I’m capable of liking someone, trusting that feeling and going all in – even if I do feel some fear too. This is huge! And I wonder if although it was related to this specific person, if it’s also related to how much I’ve grown in the last few years: knowing myself, what I want and need / loving myself, trusting myself and my judgement – and generally having a great relationship with myself — that I was able to essentially have the confidence and self-trust to like someone like that.

I wanted to acknowledge this, because although this time it ended, now I know I can handle that too – liking someone and being ‘rejected’ or getting it ‘wrong’ in terms of who I thought they were. But I don’t want this to stop me putting myself out there again now.

Eg: I have a date at the weekend, with someone I haven’t been chatting to long but really enjoyed it so far. I’d like to feel confident enough to actively like them, or be open to that – and for my recent experience to have helped with this, rather than put me off.

Any tips for ensuring this is a powerful lesson for me, much appreciated!
Many thanks

 

 

Answer:

Just read through what you wrote and celebrate yourself! You’re right, you get to decide how you tell this story. Does it feel powerful to look at your journey? Does it feel powerful to see what you’ve created: liking someone and also knowing when it wasn’t working? Every experience is an opportunity. What do you want to make of this one?