Managing my reaction to difficult work situation

I would like coaching on how to manage a difficult situation at work as well as how to manage my thoughts around the difficult situation at work and the emotions that it’s bringing up for me.

The situation: a colleague who I manage reacting to a decision I made that has affected the amount of work we can give her going forward. She has sent 2 very long emails that feel angry and accusatory and pulling me apart a bit.

Bringing up:
– insecurity
– Lack of confidence in my decision making. This was in reaction to a decision that I made that i’ve been putting off for a really long time because I wasn’t sure it was right or would work out. But then I wonder if my lack of confidence in the decision meant I didn’t commit fully and the lack of success of the change I made is a result of my not being clear.
– Wanting to keep people happy and avoid confrontation
– Making it mean things about me: I’m not good enough, I’m bad at my job, I make bad decisions, I should have known better, I should be able to deal with this situation
– Makes me want to run away and quit my job and not deal with it.

I went on annual leave just after these emails and when I get back I need to deal with it. I’m dreading it. Every day this week I’ve seen the persons face flash up in my head, what they might say to me, wondering if they will quit because of it and what will that mean to me and what I have to deal with, worried that she will spread rumours or talk badly about me to others. General worry that I’ve done something wrong and I’m not going to be successful in my job.

I do recognise that I’ve come a long way though as this situation is still bringing up a lot: 6 months ago this would have floored me, but I feel more removed from it, less emotionally involved and more resilient. I’ve had some good thoughts coming up and asked my self questions that have helped me reflect on the situation. Like ‘what am I making this mean about me?’ And ‘it’s okay to be wrong’

I want to go back to work and feel okay about the situation and feeing clear or how to manage it.

Thanks

Answer:

It sounds like you’ve done some great exploring already. One thing I notice is that you may be using thought work to avoid feeling. What if you just let the emotions wash over you. Invite them in. Listen to what they have to teach you. Let them stay as long as they need to. You don’t need to fix them.

Think about the time you have on annual leave. How much energy do you want to spend on this email response? How can you best support yourself? What if this isn’t a difficult situation….it’s just a situation. What assets and skills do you already have to take care of this?

A bonus assignment, if you’d like it, is to figure out what model the colleague might be coming from. What could be going on in their life that caused the reaction? Use compassion as you tell your story about them. See what you find. We’re here to help with any coaching you need to figure this out.